Alleee and Franc's
INSOLITOLOGY

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Predictions of the Future


The desire to know the future has always existed, from the Oracle of Greece to Nostradamus and tarot. Some people have embarassed themselves and even lost their lives for making predictions of the end of the world (which were always wrong, of course). Such a fate is not inevitable. Some religions, like the Jehovah's Witnesses, have made doomsday predictions for decades and never got any backlash for it. Our three constestants, Sylvia Browne, Alex Chiu and Alphabetics, are not considered as anything else but crackpots, and they ought not to get burned at the stake, but they should at least be laughed at. That's what we're here for, now, are we ?

Sylvia Browne is more known in real life than on the Internet. She got popular by getting on talk shows, giving costly lectures and psychic advice, and promoting herself as a big-time religious leader. Her web site is the best place to go if you want to pay 700$ to schedule a psychic reading with her, so you can get told that you are a person who appreciates being surrounded by people you like. Or you can also ask for her son, who charges only 350$ a reading.

But most importantly, she also has a list of 40 predictions made about the next 100 years. Most of these predictions do not specify a date, so Browne is really not compromising her integrity here. Some do mention an interval of years :

17. Peace in the Middle East will prevail by 2050.
18. West Coast goes under in 2026. Parts of the East Coast also get inundated. Tsunamis will wipe out a large portion of Japan. The Hawaiian Islands will have upheaval and be the site of a large new landmass.
19. Atlantis will begin to show itself by 2023 and be fully visible by 2026.
20. After 2050, the "Age of the Messiah" is upon us. People turn totally toward Spirituality, peace will rein for a long time. People will return to community living, loving each other, and working together. (...)
26. By 2055 most people will live in domed cities due to poor atmospheric conditions.
35. Peace will last from 2050 until 2100, and then I see nothing beyond, which could mean "the end will come like a thief in the night."
40. Aliens will begin to show themselves in the year 2010, they will not harm us, they simply want to see what we are doing to this planet. They will teach us how to use anti-gravity devices again, such as they did for the pyramids.

The last one is a testable claim coming pretty fast, although I suppose she can play with the phrase "begin to show themselves" to explain why we can't see them but they're there. We'll also have to watch out soon for the end of Seattle and Los Angeles, and the rise of Atlantis (with or without its futuristic crystal technology, we cannot tell).

Amongst her other predictions, she also indicates vast future advances in medecine (but not in any other domain, it seems) :

6. New form of painless tooth extraction, using a type of suction, with immediate replacement of new tooth.
7. Diagnostic chambers which map the body's electrical balance to predict health problems before the come.
10. No more surgery with knives. Some type of molecular ionization device that knows how to take out the afflicted cells then seal the wound without a single scar.
14. People will be able to simply "walk out" of their bodies upon death.

Someone please throw that woman in a high school so she can learn something ! Geeze !

Our next contestant is none other than Alex Chiu. His prediction page explains that predictions are real and come from God :

On the Babylonian stone tablet it has clearly stated that immortality shall be before the year 2000! Fulfilled! Jews shall gather together and Israel shall reappear. Fulfilled! But how did prophets predict the future? These people didn't simply say stuff like, "God said people should love each other!" or "God said people should eat hamburgers." These prophets were making very precise predictions! Not joking around!
(...)
God is the DNA of the universe! It decides how the universe flows. God is simply the coding of our universe! The forces of the universe flow according to God's configuration.

Alex has thrown coins on the ground and used his proven method of I-Ching to make this marvelous prediction :

"There shall be a great war coming! Very soon! The war is likely to occur in 2004. Seems like there is great danger for the mainland of the United States in the year 2005. The trigger seems like Taiwan. This war will be the bloodiest war of all! China will combine with its neighbors to combat with the Western forces which include USA. Bones will pile up so high like hills. Later the entire world shall be united. Then the God followers will live happily ever after on earth. Deuteronomy puts forth these standards. In chapter 18, verse 20, God says that "... the prophet who shall speak a word in my name which I have not commanded him to speak, or which he shall speak in the name of other gods, that prophet shall die." In other words, any prophecy from God is guaranteed to be accurate, and any prophecy which is not from God but given in his name shall guarantee the death of the prophet. I am risking my life to tell you this.

We are grateful to Alex for risking his life to tell us this, but I'm sure he will not be part of the piles of bones. Keep throwing those coins Alex.

Our last contestant is the web site of Alphabetics. Alphabetics is a numerological system based on the idea that Biblical dictionaries can reveal hidden connections between things. If you choose a word you want to know more about, then look up its page number in the dictionary, and look at the Hebew word at the number that corresponds to that page number in a Bible Lexicon, you will find everything you need to know. If it doesn't work, then look above and below it, and if that fails, look on other pages. You'll find something eventually.

Their prediction page is dated at 1997 - it is admirable that they have left it online for us all to read. Unfortunately the predictions themselves are Biblical and imprecise. Here is part of what they tell us we had in store in the past, and what we have in store for the future :

2000 : The great and abominable church shall fall; while the kingdom of God is born that kingdom which shall be established, no more to be thrown down.
2002 : "And there shall come unto it out of every nation under heaven."
2013 : "Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth."
2014 : ' "As the lightning cometh out of the east and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be."
2015 : "And every eye shall see him."
2019 : "Every knee shall bow and every tongue confess."

Pretty clear predictions if you ask me. But are they the most ridiculous ? That's for you to decide ! Vote in the poll box below.

Who has the most ridiculous predictions ?
Sylvia Browne
Alex Chiu
Alphabetics
  
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review written by Franc, 07/2002.