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One of the fundamental elements of crackpot theories is the misuse of symbolism. Your garden-variety crackpot will see proof of his conspiracy theory in everything from photographic artefacts, to the names of streets, to murals in airports, to the name of trucks. But it's rare that one finds someone completely devoted to these misuses.
Robert Urbanek, the owner of the "Tonya Harding Shot JFK" site, seems to have invested his delusions completely in interpreting the tiniest of signs. It's like watching a dystrophic mathematician throwing numbers around, except more entertaining.
Tonya Harding Shot JFK
Despite the name of the site, its central thesis is not really that Tonya Harding shot JFK. However, it does provide us a glimpse in his demented symbolist method :
Hellloooo numerology. Not only is Tonya Harding really Lee Harvey Oswald, but Oksana Baiul is really Nikita Khrushchev, and Kennedy was a war-mongering racist. Oh well.
At some points, Urbanek's theories plunge from symbolism in downright post-modernism, such as his equation of lesbianism (itself a common post-modernist cause) with nuclear power :
The height of his delusion is highlighted in the "Sun Kings" section, where Urbanek states that only Ra should reign, and then states that he himself is Ra :
I can already tell you that at the end of your reading, you will have learned the following :
* The movie The Thing and a Star Trek episode are really about AIDS (The AIDS Monster).
* The Grand Canyon is a symbol of the struggle of good and evil (Good and evil in the Grand Canyon)
* An atomic bomb can somehow destroy souls, because it's really really hot (Roswell and the soul killers of Hiroshima)
* Urbanek is the anti-christ (Dream of the devil: I am the Antichrist)
* People are like a wheel, with males as the spoke and females as the rim, and that's why men must dominate women. And this has to do with pi (Difference between men and women is 3.14159 . . .)
* The space probe Pioneer 10 is changing the skin colour and morphology of the human species, because God caught it and thought it was a prayer (Space probe changes skin color of Americans)
* George Costanza will help him become Pharaoh of America (The 'George' dreams: Accepting my inner weasel)
* Al-Quaeda committed 9-11 because they were following the script of the movie Independence Day, which was made by a Dark Goddess, which came to existence because of all the abortions we've been doing. Or something like that, it's not quite coherent (Let the guilty pay. It's Independence Day)
* The explosion of Columbia means World War III is coming real soon, because the debris looked a bit like comets when they fell down to Earth (Columbia and Mars foretell death and destruction)
* The terrorist attacked happened on 9-11, and solar maximums happen every 11 years, therefore the next major solar flare in 2011 will destroy mankind. And Star Trek fans will reincarnate as being on other planets, because they're already used to dressing up like aliens (Angry sun to destroy human race in 2011)
Sanity Rating :
-380 points (Delusions of grandeur coupled with Time-Cube-level gullibility)