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Prince Leopold, Founder of Spiritual Analysis

And now, our third bachelor. He's the illegitimate son of King Albert I of Belgium (or so he says), he likes children, makes "spirit art", sells contact with dead spirits, and he's really creepy. Meet... Leo Jean !

There's a running gag about insane asylums that everyone there claims to be royalty. Well, this guy really brings the stereotype to life. But he also created his own religion, based on his capacity to communicate with spirits and do readings for you. Accept the "Light", and you will see that the Christian god is a demon. Also he sells "art". Prince Leopold is nothing if not multitasking. Now if the royal doctor could get him to take his medication...

His Majesty, "Prince Leopold".
Prince Leopold, Founder of Spiritual Analysis

The main site is a front end for all his "services". In the section "About My Work", you can read about his work as :

* psychic healer : When he was 6 he could cure nosebleeds. How he can travel interdimensionally to remove negative spirits and vibrations to cure you from AIDS, attempted suicide (how do you cure someone from that, anyway ?), cancer, coma, creative blocks, dyslexia, frigidity, illiteracy, impotence juvenile deliquency, paranoia, etc. He can also "completely remove voodoo, lineage and self-imposed curses". That's one healer.

Many people wonder how I have become so powerful. I offer the following explanation:

First become Light.
Learn the vibrations of the universe.
Learn interdimensional travel.
Learn about psychic ability.
Gain total control over ego and emotions.
Develop a strong imagination and use it.
Learn to refuse negativity properly.
Reach total harmony with your spirit, astral form and higher self.

Will do !

* spirit sayer : He can summon spirits ! Boo ! In fact, he has a whole other web site about that which we will see later.

* purveyor of the light : He's very keen on mentioning how the Light is giving him all these powers, and comes off sounding like a Marcel super-hero. It's the Light ! The Light ! Enough already.

As Purveyor of the Light I can never rest - I must always be working at either the spiritual or physical level to defend myself against negative beings who exist in the past, present or future. I also call upon my spirit, astral form and higher self to help me to fight interdimensionally, as most physical beings in the universe exist in other dimensions where time doesn't exist. I have learned to harness the power of the Light to its utmost positive use - to defend me in my work and to provide its beauty to anyone who desires it.

This looks like the
Pope getting
attacked by a dove,
and some kind of New
Age painting is looking
on and not helping.
Good thinking.
Didn't he say paranoia was a disease ?

* alien abduction therapist : He's also big on evil aliens. If you're being pestered by an alien, he can help you. He also points to his Alien Interview Archive. That one's a doozy, and I'll talk about it too.

* seminars : Vague promises that vague benefits will be achieved, with absolutely no clue of what the seminars are about. But it's probably really expensive.

* business protection : Sounds like the mafia, except less violent. Actually just Prince Leo removing curses on your business. Does he treat the Curse of the IRS ?

* readings : Combining vibrations, automatic writing, light healing and chakras, so Leo can tell you why you don't feel motivated. This may seem like overkill, but that's why your name is not "Prince Leo".

* special services for horses : Everything wrong with your horse is because of "negative spirits", even breeding. I'd like to see how curing *that* works.
Prince Leopold IV also explains his complex life story. Oh, he claims he was adopted by King Albert I of Belgium in secret (conveniently), that he was exiled to Boston, came back, was exiled to France, trained to become the next pope, and escaped. A likely story ! He also likes to talk about himself in the third person.

Later, at the Royal Palace, Prince Leopold IV appeared in his military uniform while he was training to help defend his country during WWII. The prince did not stop there, and today, at age 80, he is a spiritual healer and the Founder of Spiritual Analysis. Only recently has he removed all the lineage curses and spiritual encumbrances that were placed on him through his affiliation with the Royal Family.

No, really. What the
fuck is this supposed
to look like ?
Email me with your
suggestions and I'll
publish the best ones.
He also has creations for sell, like paintings, jewelry, and um... "Starlike (c) " art.

Psychic artist Leo Jean has converted a negative tool from a distant warlike planet into a creation of beauty in the symbol of universal freedom. Through his art, Leo celebrates the vitality and power of the ongoing defeat of negativity in the universe. His combined use of color, texture and light provides each unique piece of Starlike© art with his spiritual signature.

It's um... it's... a child's toy ! A cone of crushed ice ! A conical porcupine ! No, I give up. I have no idea what this is or what it's made of. And you can have one for only 300$ and up. Want a jug with all the US presidents in it and one of those cones on top ? Only 5000$ ! You can also buy watches with hearts, posters for children, and jewelry that looks like... maybe, a cross between Alien and stars of David. I don't know, this stuff is just indescribable.

There is just so much stuff on this site. And this is only one of his sites ! But it really goes in Twilight Zone territory in the "Alien Interview Archives". Apparently the Prince, like Koos Nolst Trenite, thinks that he is communicating telepathically with space aliens and that he is defeating their schemes with his mind. He also draws what they, and their spaceships, look like.

The "Gublerik"
race, known to
humans as the
Coneheads, from
No, I'm not
making this up.
Alien species include Bigfoot (three planets of them), Satan-like beings, horse men, leprechauns, Coneheads (see right), ostriches, and they all really like the words "beauteous" and "Light" (just like Leo, coincidentally). If you go through these wonderful interviews, you will learn, for instance, that the Bigfoot (well, one of their species anyway) can travel "interdimensionally across the universe in a matter of seconds" in spaceships that look like croissants, that many evil aliens seem overly concerned with eating fetuses, and also that planet Sandilisia needs males :


I am the leader of the planet Sandilisia. I am here to tell you of the pleasure I feel in having received the beauteous Light of which your messenger has told me so much about. My good friend, the leader of the Cuter race, also revealed many beauteous thoughts to me about this Light. I shall say that he underestimated the feeling!

Well, my people are ready to receive this Light, also. We have been a very warlike race in the past and, as a result, our numbers dwindled greatly. We have an overabundance of females and not enough men to go around. So now we have a system working where every man gives pleasure to three or four women so that these are not left to grow old and dry up. Now we shall flourish again. All my people know this. Then we can return to a state of prosperity and have lots of reproduction again. May the Light help these males!"

Woah ! Where do I sign up for the Sandilisian navy ? Dude.

Also note that Leo is so powerful that his little stories sound more like tripe L. Ron Hubbard would write. Leo instantly has the solution to every problem, and his "heroic" battles against those not "of the Light" look more like blackmail : he just "suspends" everyone who disagrees with him (even billions of people, if he thinks they're evil enough) until the entire planet joins his side. He sounds more like an evil tyrant to me. If he's so powerful, why haven't all those evil species in the universe killed him already ? But I'm afraid that asking questions at this point would be useless. For my friends, we are now in... the Crackpot Zone. Or more specifically, the "Smile, Nod and Walk Away Slowly" Zone.

Is this worth 3 million dollars ?
Let me think.

Psychic Paintings

Repository of some more "art" from our friend Leo, including "the $3 Million "Light Pegasus" Painting". It's a groovy painting of a flying horse that looks really sixties. It's worth at least 3 dollars and a pack of that bubble gum with the joke in it. Do they still sell those ?

Anyway, it turns out that all his paintings are of spirits he met, which he writes about on the page of each painting. He also offers "psychic art instruction", because he "has acquired the ability to project images to artists, so that they can create original works of their own". Details on this, however, are yet forthcoming.

Famous Spirits

As previously mentioned, Leo thinks he communicates with spirits. He can "bond" you for life with a famous spirit, such as Albert Einstein, Walt Disney, and Adolph Hitler. Actually, at the time of this writing, he claims he communicated with Pope John Paul 2, and that he tried hard to convince the Pope that his belief in original sin is really about karma. Well, original sin, karma, what's a little theological quibbling between spiritual friends ?

In this respect, he sounds very much like a crackpot featured on our top 7, Koos Nolst Trenite, who also used to communicate with spirits. But Koos, being a Scientologist, believes that he can communicate with all spirits. Leo seems to mostly communicate with dead or near-dead spirits.

And he used to charge a lot of money for all these spirits - Hitler was offered for a mere 15 million dollars. But he stopped this practice :

Although the spirits on this website originally intended to help me to raise funds to create a Healing Power Center for the spiritual enlightenment of this planet, the Famous Spirits did not realize the difficulty. They have found that the adults of this planet have been so conditioned by religion and society that virtually no one knows how to work with their spirit, but rely on others to take care of their "soul" or spiritual aspect. The irony is that most people have negative spirits that have no intention of helping them to progress, so they have absolutely no hope of so-called salvation.

The Famous Spirits agree that the best way to teach the ways of the Light is to form a new religion that is actually based on the oldest in the universe. The Famous Spirits are no longer on sale to the general public. If someone wants a Famous Spirit , they must become a member of the religion that I formed for the purpose of bringing Light-committed spirits to the people of this planet.

Which leads us to...

The Spiritual Enlightenment Religion

Well, this is a rather tedious web site with lots of mentions of "spirits" and "Light" and all this claptrap, but I like the "Membership" page. It turns out that it costs 200$ just to apply, and the annual fee is 500$. You better get a couple of Starlike art cones to go with that, or at least a t-shirt. "I tried to bond with Hitler's spirit and all I got was this stupid t-shirt".

"Little Leo" is actually
a young Charles Manson.

Psychic Kids

Unlike most crackpots, Leo thinks it very important for him to convince young children of his psychic powers. Unfortunately, it doesn't quite work. For instance, look at his poster. It gives off more of a "child molestor", or a "Michael Jackson", vibe than a "I love children" vibe.

Leo also teaches children what to do if they're afraid of a monster under the bed (throw imaginary light at it - that should do it), and that they should be racist :

My spirit taught me
how to use its Light power to
chase all the other colored
spirits away.

Sorry Leo, but the whole "hatred of coloured spirits" thing isn't going to go well with the parents. You should at least go for a more consiliatory "coloured spirits should stay in their own spirit realm". This kind of anti-coloured rhetoric is just gonna sink you, and you'll NEVER sell that three million dollar painting of a flying horse.

Sanity Rating :

-340 points (probably not insane, but soars above mere crackpottery)

review written by Franc, 02/2005.

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