Alleee and Franc's
INSOLITOLOGY

Back to the front page

Sexual Purity



I wanted to like this site. I really did. Those who know me well, are aware that while I am adamantly for free speech and free action, I am somewhat puritan. I don't care if you like to stuff a banana up your ass, just don't do it in front of me. Post it on a site instead, so we can laugh at you.

I would welcome an intelligent defense of sexual purity, but this is not it. This is a bunch of "rad Christian teens" who just discovered life and relationships, realized that it was not as "pure" as they were taught in Sunday Class, and made a site about it.

Sexual Purity

After reading all the articles on the site, I have come to three scientific conclusions.

1. This site is obviously and terribly faked.
2. This site is creepy.
3. I sure could go for some premarital sex right now.

Why do I say this site is faked ? Just look at "Straight From a Guy", perhaps the funniest article on the site. Unless they have ingested large amounts of sugar, do normal people write like this :

Can I be honest? I mean . . . really, really honest? Like from a guy-to-a-girl honest? Don’t get mad, okay? I’m gonna give it to you straight. Here goes! Just as a lion would be tempted to attack someone wearing sausages, it’s the same to guys when girls wear things designed to arouse certain instincts and attentions in males. (Okay, go ahead and get mad. I know you want to! But you said I could be honest, remember?)

This intellectual giant introduces his article by talking about how he went to Africa (and was impressed by the "culturally rich world", yes that's what he says), and saw lions cross the road in front of him. His point is that, if he would have hung sausages around his neck, the lions would have attacked him : in the same way, wearing short skirts turns men on, and that's terribly bad.

Are we in the 21st century already ? Time does fly so fast.

I was 28 when I got married, and God helped me remain a virgin. The woman I married — Jeni Varnadeau — was also a virgin. And though 28 years was a long time for me to wait, I’ve gotta tell you that Jeni was certainly worth it! Wow!

Someone please kill this man before he breeds. Seriously, you will never convince me this article is real. It's about as fake as a free speech magazine written by Scientology. This is some priest's idea of what a "rad Christian teen" sounds like.

There is a bit of creepy in it as well, which is kindof a double-whammy. You have to know that this article was written for something called Brio magazine, a "grrrl" rag with articles such as "Spiritual Health: Give It Up for Your Pastor!" and "Girls of Grace", which would probably make most feminists have an apoplexy (but not my dear Alleee, vanguard of third-wave feminism, who stands always strong in front of such adversity). Anyway, here's what this genius says :

A Pure Christian
Woman (tm).
Two years ago, Jeni and I went on a Brio missions trip and during "Girls Only Night," I snuck in the back door and couldn’t believe that some of you are unaware as to how sexually wired guys are!

Four thoughts went through my head :

1. He WHAT ?
2. Apparently, Christians find spying on young girls perfectly AOK.
3. At least spy on something better. "Girls Only Night" for Brio girls must be the most sickeningly boring thing ever.
4. If I was a "Brio girl", I would find that guy and beat him up. Then again, if I was a "Brio girl", I'd probably be too brain-dead to complain.

Continuing on the "obvious fake" category, the article/letter "Dear Jessica" is supposed to be a letter addressed from an older sister to her younger sister. A letter about her genital herpes. Yes. Now, I will admit I don't know anything about women, but, and Alleee can confirm this, I'm pretty sure they don't talk to each other about their genital herpes. I'm pretty sure even Christian girls don't quote the Bible on their personal letters, except the cute verses in Psalms.

You’ve heard the old saying, "Ignorance is bliss"? Well, I’m here to tell you it ain’t so! What is so is the verse "Be sure your sins will find you out" (Numbers 32:23). That’s right on target.

I guess by growing up in a Christian family and going to a Christian school, we were spared the crash course on certain facts of life. Oh, Mom warned us not to let guys touch us in what she termed "private areas," but when she’d leave the room we’d laugh at her ideas, never really understanding the importance of her words. I sure wish I’d listened to her, because last semester I made a discovery that has changed my life. I learned that you don’t have to lose your virginity to contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Surprised? Yeah, I was too.

I can hardly believe it, Jessica, but I have genital herpes. If I, a 23-year-old pre-med student, was unaware that there was danger in fooling around with a guy, what about my 15-year-old sister? I never want something like this to happen to you, Jessica. It’s worse than you can possibly imagine.


OMG, this is the worst thing that ever happened to me ! *sob* ! Holy whiners. I'm no expert about genital herpes, but from what I've been able to read, it gets better with time. It's not like you got AIDS, lady. Also, genital herpes can only propagate while active. If you give a blowjob to a guy who has big warts on his penis, you have bigger problems here.

In the article "Romances with Wolves", the priest, who at this point was masturbating, slipped and forgot he was supposed to write about sex, not drug addiction (or maybe he had a ready-made template and didn't want to waste it) :

When I was in college, I remember having an experience that I referred to as a "love hangover." After being with a girl, the next morning I always felt an emptiness. That's something you won't see on TV or in the movies, but it happens a lot. There was emptiness, even regret, afterwards.

The "love hangover" was a strange occurrence for me. Mainly because when I was in college, sex was my "god." As a male, it's what I thought about morning, noon and night. So you would imagine that having sex would have been completely fulfilling -- the crowning achievement in the worship of my "god." And yet, there was always a lack of fulfillment afterwards.

Has that been your experience, too? Have you ever had a "love hangover"? If you have, you should stop and consider, "Why is that? Why is it that sex, if it's so important to me, leaves me with an empty feeling?"

I remember being confused by this emptiness. I then concluded: "I just need more [sex], that's all." (We often think this way about stuff we hope will fulfill us, then doesn't. For example, we get the car we've always wanted, but then it's just "okay" after awhile. Instead of realizing that a car can't really satisfy us, we usually make the error of thinking, "Well, I guess that wasn't the right car. A different one will give me lasting fulfillment.")


He was getting so feverish that he couldn't even keep his story straight...

But when my girlfriend and I started relating mostly physically, it short-circuited the other parts of our relationship.
(...)
Sex is a mysterious thing that causes a deep bond between people


The more you read this site, the more you start to realize that it sounds just so very fake. I can just imagine a youth priest, hunched over the keyboard, trying to sound off himself what a "rad teen Christian" would sound like. Then he would rattle on and on, on fire for the Lord. Then he sent the URL to all the teens in the congregation, with an email on the order of "Check out our coooool site ! Praise the Lord !". Then he would masturbate thinking about premarital sex...

... which conveniently segues to the creepy part...

This site is creepy, which tends to support my "rogue youth pastor" hypothesis. There is the extract I talked about earlier, but other things. Such as their use of the expression "men won't buy the cow if they can get the milk free". One wonders if this is the image the authors have of women.
Glitch, or
sinister
Christian
brainwashing
device ?
There is also the article "Creepy Guys", which is in itself creepy in so many ways. You can only read about the "purity" and "nurturing" nature of Pure Christian Women (tm) so many times.

There is this weird little image (see right) at the top of every page. And it's animated. But it's not really an image, since you can't isolate it. You can't view source either. What is it ? A subliminal signal designed to prevent heathens from having premarital sex ? A sinister cookie ? This guy is up to no good.

But here's the clincher :

Guys: Keep an image of your future bride dressed in white and walking down the aisle of the church. To look at her and know that she is unstained by you or others is the greatest feeling in the world. Do not violate your dream or the dream some other guy could have had with your girl (in case you do not marry her).
Girls: Hold tight to the goal of having a clean conscience when you walk down the aisle dressed in white. Look forward to the day when you can walk down that aisle, look into the eyes of your future lifetime husband, and know that he will be yours alone.


All I'm gonna say is, I'm sure we could analyse the psyche of the author with these quotes. I don't care. All I know is that I don't want to be anywhere near him. Praise Rand for restraining orders.

Ha ha ha, it is the funney !
No wait, it sucks.
Apparently, not only does
premarital sex give you STDs
and make you a horrible,
horrible person, it affects
your memory as well.
What else is there to do on this site ? You can always declare that you "choose Abstinence". What does that entail ? Well, it's really just a guestbook. Where you can leave your own words of encouragement to pussies like yourself. Apparently there are a lot of Christian pussies out there.
It's good! huh! I thank God for a site like you that through you we young peoples are able to know the right thing and have a companion in fighting impurity…

great site.i'm 7DA. it's nice to know there's lots of other who publicly proclaim obedience to God's Word as a number one priority. i signed the true love waits pledge when i was 13. i think it's important to commit 100% to chastity as part of my christian faith because it's arrogant and selfish for teens to want sexual pleasure before marriage. God helps me fight sexual feelings when i'm honest and humble - praying to Him.

i think its very important for teens to not be trapped in a relationship that will lead them to be open for sex. Building a solid firm relationship with God and letting people know the relationship you have will create a wall between you and the sexual relationship the devil is trying to tempt you with.

Perhaps the most unequivocally funny page of the whole site is the Stories page. Here we are treated to quotes from kids who are really, really traumatized by their first sexual relation. Listening to them, one wonders why sex should be done at all, since it's such a terrible experience.

… Having premarital sex was the most horrifying experience of my life. It wasn't at all the emotionally satisfying experience the world deceived me into believing. I felt as if my insides were being exposed and my heart left unattended…I know God has forgiven me of this haunting sin, but I also know I can never have my virginity back. I dread the day that I have to tell the man I truly love and wish to marry that he is not the only one, though I wish he were…I have stained my life—a stain that will never come out.

Apparently, going from
kiss to french kiss raises
the temperature by only
one degree.
They aren't doing it right.
(this last sentence pretty
much explains the whole
site)

Then one night it happened—we had sex. It was worse than I could even imagine. I felt dirty and very separated from God. I hated myself for doing something I've grown up believing was so wrong. I had the guiltiest feeling I've ever had.


I messed up big time my junior year of high school. I started having regular sex with my girlfriend. I was a Christian, therefore the momentary pleasure was there, but the relationship was a miserable one. I am still scared from the instances that took place. It took me until the summer before my freshman year at college (during camp) before I realized that God had already forgiven me, but I wasn't letting go.

Some other pages are just begging to be parodied, such as "Why Shouldn't I ... ?". It is a terrible mess of a FAQ, full of contradictions. The answer to the first question goes on and on about how dualism is bad, and how the body and soul are one (doesn't that contradict pretty much all of Christianity ?), and ends with :

The biblical message is clear: The human body itself is not evil; it's the desires of the flesh—things like fornication, jealousy, and drunkenness—that are sinful and must be brought under control.

I didn't talk about the STD spiels. Apparently, they are really really concerned about getting STD during premarital relations. As far as I know, STDs are not just a problem of premarital sex. But that's ok, they need all the arguments they get. The only part of their site that seems factual is the study on condoms in "Condom Effectiveness", but they even got that wrong. I consulted the actual study in question, and it says that condom effectiveness in most STD cases is difficult to confirm, not that condoms are ineffective. So much for that.

As a site about sexual purity, I give it zero out of ten. As a glimpse in the mind of a deranged, sex-crazed pedophiliac youth pastor, I give it a ten.



UPDATE: Reader Hana did some very clever research into this site and found some interesting things...
Hi Franc, Hi Allee- I don't know if you ever update your Insolitology website or even visit it at all anymore but..
I was visiting the "Sexual Purity" site you mentioned on your Religious Cuckoos page and had to agree that it was very creepy. It being a boring night for me, I was intrigued and decided to look into this site further.

I checked out that weird little image that was showing up on the pages, and your right, it is some kind of tracking service. I'm not too much of an expert, but I believe he is using two services, Hitbox.com and extremetracking.com.
I guessed the login name 'pyoor' (his email id) for extremetracking and sure enough pulled up his info: http://extremetracking.com/open;ref2?login=pyoor. Thats probably not very good of me, but he should of picked a better login! Besides it might be public info..I don't know, don't care right now. Your site is in the top 10 as a referral, at #8. And by the look of it, the best site in the list (yours and maybe www.portalofevil.com).

I also noticed one of the pages included a search phrase of "samen laven". From what I could gather from Google, it means living together (in sin), or having sex before marriage. It's dutch. Why dutch?, I don't know.

Anyway, thought you might enjoy that tidbit of info.
- HW


Hana, that's great work. Thank you very much! And now we all know a little bit more about... sexual purity.




review written by Franc, 09/2002, updated in 11/2007.

Back to the front page