Alleee and Franc's

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So Pretentious it Hurts

There is one specific kind of crackpots that we haven't featured yet on this site. This page is here to correct that. I am talking about people who are too in love with the sound of their voice (or in this case, words) to have any sense of proportion. "Sophisticated" is what they think about themselves : "pretentious" is what they are.

There is, in fact, part of the magazine industry built on this very premise. You know those very expensive magazines with the "artsy" covers that no one ever reads ? The kind that swinging guys buy to put on their coffee tables ? Exactly. Well, there is a great Popcultmag article on this very topic - a top 5 of the most pretentious magazines you can go ahead and buy. Some of them have mercifully gone from the market until then, but it's nevertheless inspiring.

PopCult is very entertaining, but if you don't know it, you might think that this is some very limited phenomena. Well, that's where the Premier Issues Project comes in. Oh dear, so much crap and so little time. The #1 position on Popcult, Seed, has stopped publication but its entry is there, and it's even more ludicrous than they suggested.

Some other ridiculous pretentious magazines on this pantheon of crap :

"NoA" magazine.
Or a theater programme ?
Who knows.
* NoA (what a silly name)
Because we wish to oppose 'globalisation', we take up a clear and controversial position when it comes to adverts. We ask the major advertisers to depart from the usual marketing strategy and opt for a new creative adventure.
Fashion in particular is an international affair : being anti-globalization is already regressive and tribalist enough, but to have a fashion magazine against globalization is particularly addle-headed. But I like how they think they can somehow ask major advertisers to change their strategy for them. Oh yea, you just know this magazine has been gone for a long time.

* de avontuur bevat
Each photograph will be a new issue of the magazine 'de avontuur bevat'. It's a one-page magazine. You can also think of it this way: there are more pages, they're just not one after the other as usual, but side by side, underneath, on top and mostly jumbled up. It's a magazine by approximation, a serial maybe, although that doesn't seem right either.
Isn't there something that "doesn't seem right" about a ONE-PAGE MAGAZINE ?

SEPP is the product of combining two loves of my life: Football and fashion. I always found that there is a synergy between the two worlds - every major European designer is a devoted football fan and every major player has his own style idiosyncrasies, whether it be a shaven head or a razor-sharp suit. SEPP is a visual celebration of this synergy.
FOOTBALL FASHION ? At this point, what can you say ?

Basically, the content of these magazines is about as meaningful as the "ipsum dopsum" fake latin that designers put in layouts to show what it would look like with text, except it's supposed to be meaningful.

Which leads us to the J Peterman Catalog. it's a clothing catalog trying to convince you really hard that their clothes will make you look and feel sophisticated.

"Rumpleness. Defended."
Copy editors. Cringing.
Rumpledness is an example. Only quantum physics is more often misunderstood.
For the record: rumpledness does not mean sloppy. On the contrary, it goes beyond casualness. It suggests sophistication. Rumpledness is subtle, self-assured, a little rakish.
A studio mogul I met once on the red-eye from L.A. looked me square in the eye and swore that 46 percent of all movie revenue can be linked in some way to rumpledness. I believe her.

Or this elegy to a WALLET :

Accordingly, I now wish to draw your attention to something different: a wallet made out of a baseball mitt.
This is not a joke.
Stop and think about that wonderful dark pocket of leather in the middle of a baseball glove, lovingly used and punished for half a lifetime. Is it wearing out? Is it ready to throw away? No, itís just quietly getting better.

There's nothing quite mind-numbing like seeing hacks try to hype up a wallet, isn't there ?

Here's to the pretentious : teaching us why laughing at ourselves - and them - is so important.

review written by Franc, 04/2005.

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