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The Velvety-Pink, Crystalline, Shiny, and Fuzzy World of TBN PRAISE! Quote : "I am a little god! Critics, be gone! ("Praise the Lord" program, July 7, 1986) Yes, Paul and Jan started their ministry in a borrowed studio with a borrowed camera in front of a blue shower curtain. Now look at it:.chandeliers, shiny gold (hopefully brass), cherubim and seraphim, red velvet, giant paintings of Jesus in ornate, gilt frames, stained glass angels, AND THAT DAMNED PINK COTTON CANDY ON TOP OF JAN'S HEAD! What's that all about? If only my Quaker Granny were here to see all of this, she'd turn over in her grave. I'm flipping through my KJV, and for the life of me, I can't find where it commands christians to present all this finery in their witnessing, let alone the part about the HAIR. It seems that television christians discovered the hair dryer in the seventies like the rest of us, but never quite got over the glory of that Joe Namath "dry look." Hallelujah! The Trinity Broadcasting Network site has plenty about god, jesus, the evils of evolution, the ministries of Mr. T, Hammer and Vanity, and even a little about Feeding The Hungry, but the True Motif of the site is the Praise-A-Thon. Have you filled in your pledge card today? A glorious set like that, not to mention the 5,000,000 vacation home for Jan's doggies needs all the help it can get. There's a handy gift shop full of Jesus Junk and TBN logo-wear, and, of course, you can Praise God and Be Healed right there in the comfort of your computer chair, because, Glory, you can watch online. Yes, the wackiness of TBN needs no introduction, but I rather enjoyed Jeezus Jan 2000 one of the surprisingly few non-Christian anti-Paul and Jan sites out there. It seems that the secular world can let TBN put its own foot in its mouth. In researching the web's take on Paul and Jan, it seems that many christian communities want You to Know that Paul and Jan aren't True Christians. On The Confused World of Paul and Jan Crouch, Joseph Chambers points out that Paul and Jan question the very Divinity of Christ: "The Copeland, Hagin, Hinn, and Crouch, etc. theology plainly teaches that Jesus was only human in His earthly visit. Paul Crouch makes a statement that Jesus was reincarnated as the Divine Son when He was "born again" in hell. Let's listen to Kenneth Copeland say that God was not the Father of Jesus Christ, that He was an "emaciated (poured out) little wormy spirit . . . down in the bottom of that thing (the pit of hell)." Then, we hear Benny Hinn say how Jesus was born again with Paul Crouch adding, "that is when His divinity returned." Transcribed From A Message Given By Kenneth Copeland: "How did Jesus then on the cross say, 'My God.' Because God was not His Father any more. He took upon Himself the nature of Satan. And I'm telling you Jesus is in the middle of that pit. He's suffering all that there is to suffer, there is no suffering left . . . apart from Him. His emaciated, little wormy spirit is down in the bottom of that thing and the devil thinks He's got Him destroyed. But, all of a sudden God started talking." Transcribed From Trinity Broadcasting Network's Praise The Lord Show: Benny Hinn: "Jesus Christ destroyed the power of Satan on earth, but destroyed Satan in the under world, the Holy Ghost wasn't there. Think about that." Paul Crouch: "That's when His divinity returned." Wading through all the charges of Paul's rubbing elbows with The Pope, I found a little gem at http://www.floridacp.com/heresy/quotes/25.htm . It recalls an episode of Praise The Lord where Benny Hinn makes some astounding claims about the healing powers of TBN: Benny Hinn: But here's first what I see for TBN. You're going to have people raised from the dead watching this network. You're going to have people raised from the dead watching TBN. Programs - just plain programs - programs that haven't done much when it comes to supernatural manifestations - teaching programs. It's not going to be a Benny Hinn saying "Stretch your hands." It's going to be your average teaching program, your normal Christian program that's blessing the church. There's going to be such power on these programs people will be raised from the dead worldwide. I'm telling you, I see this in the Spirit. It's going to be so awesome - Jesus I give you praise for this - that people around the world - maybe not so much in America - people around the world who will lose loved ones, will say to undertakers "Not yet. I want to take my dead loved one and place him in front of that TV set for 24 hours." Paul Crouch: Benny Hinn! Jesus! Benny Hinn: I'm telling you. People will be - people - I'm telling you, I feel the anointing talking here. People are going to be canceling funeral services and bringing their dead in their caskets, placing them - my God! I feel the anointing here - placing them before a television set, waiting for God's power to come through and touch them. And it's going to happen time and time - so much it's going to spread. You're going to hear it from Kenya to Mexico to Europe to South America, where people will be raised from the - so much so that the word will spread that if some dead person be put in front of this TV screen, they will be raised from the dead and they will be by the thousands. You wait. Now the Lord just told me - and I don't know whether this is true or not - as I'm saying this, the Lord said He gave you that word many, many years ago. Late last night I turned on TBN, as I often do, for "shits and giggles." There was Benny, doing a "healing." He placed his hands, palms out toward the camera. Your instructions are to place your palms on the image of his while he recites his prayer-healing incantations. I did as he asked. I noticed that my palms fit perfectly into his. Good planning, I thought! I suppose that, since God is Omnipresent, it didn't much matter that the program was being broadcast for the third time that day. If I had been a believer, I can imagine that a person could easily feel the "electric charge" from the pixelated representation of Benny's hands on that screen. I was reminded of an onstage hypnotism demonstration I took part in back in junior college. The longer I held my arm out to the hypnotist, the number my wrist felt, therefore I could not feel that he was holding a lighter under it. Place your palms on the screen now. I call upon the power of the Holy Ghost to remove your pain. One of you is freed from drug addiction today. One of you is being converted to Reason. One of you is considering a higher education in Physics. One of you will realize Amway will never make you rich. Do you feel the electricty in your palms? All you have to do is believe. review written by Alleee, 07/2002.