Alleee and Franc's
INSOLITOLOGY

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Welcome to the Main List of Odd Sites

Only the best sites are handpicked for your perusal. Comments are in blue for Franc and red for Alison.
Be warned that some of these sites may be offensive or too stupid for words. I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about that.




Religious

The Nibiruan Council
"Serving the Worlds of the Galactic Federation". What is this site about ? Who knows ? For more whackiness, check the "Galactic Federation Area" section.
A little channeling and too much Deep Space Nine has given this woman a nice little career. I don't see it getting anywhere. She's just another cat lady.


The Earth Is Not Moving
Lots of material on how "Copernicanism" and "Evolutionism" are false and corrupt.
If we pray really, really hard, we can keep the earth from moving, like it says in the bible. Oh-and it's apparently the fault of the Jews again.


The Famous "Jesus Christ Above The White House" Photo
Photoshop a picture of clouds and a picture of Jesus (who is white on the picture anyway), photoshop them to death, and look, they look somewhat alike ! It must be a miracle.
I see a ducky and a horsey.


The Truth About Hell
The truth is, Hell is in Michigan.


Amen.
This guy sure like to say Amen. Amen. He wants to run for president. Amen. He's very funny and he hates gays. Amen.
I'm convinced he is a parody, but, sheesh, he spends an awful lot of time being a Christian! Amen.


Creation Science Evangelism
Kent Hovind's site, a renowned Creationist with crackpot theories.
Kent. Honey. It's a shark.


Alphabetics
A great funny site about a new kind of Bible Code, except a lot more retarded.
From the FAQ: "The proofs are many; nay, they are innumerable; but, like any other matter of divinity, require an element of faith to be embraced and believed." That about says it.


Jesus-With You Always
Creepy drawings of Jesus standing besides people doing various jobs.
If Jesus is behind me right now, and he's actually helping me with this, we're all doomed.


Religious Freedom Watch
The cult of Scientology's site to smear critics, disguised as a religious freedom site. Maybe their hate sites would work if they weren't so blatant...
....it would be more effective if they didn't think we were all entities implanted by ancient space gods...


Spirit of Prophecy, The Second Coming of Christ
Dore Williamson has been in Heaven and Hell, and met God. A must-see, if only for her psychedelic descriptions of the levels of Hell, but everything on this site is hilarious.
It seems that every day is Rapture Day!


You Got Mail! In Your KJV 1611
Apparently, God used emoticons too. I wonder how that works in the original Hebrew and Greek.
The seventh-grade class that made these "discoveries" failed to notice the emoticons were actually end parentheses. I wish I could say this page was a joke, because it would make a nice, mildly humorous page.


The MAFIA
Most honest Christian web site ever, in its delightful church/mafia analogy.
Another corny site making Kristianity Kool during the popularity of The Sopranos.


The Bible in Cockney
"One day, Jacob gave a beautiful, decorated weasel to Joseph as a present. It was well smart. None of the other brothers got one. They were bloomin' furious, and now they hated Joseph more than anything. They spent all their lemon just cussing him."
I may be wrong, but when someone from that side of the tracks in England reads "his" and "hers," he doesn't just mentally delete the "h" and see the word " 'is." I think they have the letter "h" in those communities. Just a thought.


Holy Communion
The Holy Communion on-line. Get your bread and wine, and start it up ! But first, get your kneecaps too.
Well, they have drive-thru weddings and funerals. Might as well have this. It kind of defeats the whole purpose of those elaborate Catholic churches and Cathedrals. Might save the church a lot of money on lawsuits, too.


Way of Life Literature
They're so fundie, they think Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson are too tolerent.
I don't think women should be ministers or priests either. There are better ways for us to spend our time.


Hands in Scripture
What do you get when you cross palm-reading and Christianity ? The punchline is this web site, I guess.
I think if you believe in unicorns, dragons, talking donkeys and giant, people-mashing wine-presses, what kind of a stretch is palmistry?


Plowshare Actions
These guys smuggle on nuclear subs and industries, hammer on missiles or tubes, and smear blood. That's just weird, even for this site.
There's something about blood that these people find magical and sacred. Maybe they are vampires?


Matt Glover dotcom
Man, man. What's up with all those unfunny Christian cartoons ? Can't you at least make an effort ? This is so unfunny, I feel less funny just by reading these cartoons.
When Eskimos go to hell (and you just know they do, the Heathens), they get to take off their coats. THIGH SLAPPING FUN!!


Inflatable Church
Modern technology is great. It really is. Check the funny video, too.
It goes to show you how people can't think outside of the church. You've got a perfectly beautiful English meadow to get married in, but NO, it HAS to be a CHURCH! So much so you rent a blow-up church. That's weirdly sexual, isn't it?


Brio Magazine
Young girls and old fundamentalists join forces to give you this magazine, which is a summit of crapiness.
Slap a few pastel colours, use some 90's fanzine fonts, and you've got hip, right? It actually looks like the Barbie aisle at Zellers, to tell you the truth. The advice section is outrageously awful. The entertainment section, as of this writing, is reviewing a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie (it is too immoral to be watched), the Christian Rock idols Michael W Smith and "High Voltage"--whoever they are, and the rock opera "hero," which is probably about Jesus. I'm sure the New York East Village/SoHo/Tribeca scene is reeling.


NetAccountability
"Pornography is an epidemic problem, and the impact within the body of Christ has been incalculable. NetAccountability combats this problem using the finest approach I've seen: a combination of technology AND personal relationships."
IIt's basically a 21st-century, cyber version of the chastity belt, only with plenty of shame.


Wayne and Liz
Songs for the Lord ! A lot of rap songs and Biblical interpretations. Including a fundamentalist rant about 9-11.
Please listen to the song "The Ten Commandments."Please. It's infectious. "Thou....shalt not......make thee.....anygravenimages....."


The Master's Miracle
Amway, ultra-Christian style. All their products contain "Electrically engineered eloptic energized stabilized oxygenated water" !
Good news! They now have Audio Testimonials!" Let the fun begin!


I am Morpheus!
One of the many attempts to peddle Christianity on the basis of the Matrix craze. The only reason I noted it here is because it is so laughably inane.
"THE MAN-CREATED WORLD AROUND YOU — THE SYSTEM — THE WAY IT IS CONSTRUED IN YOUR THOUGHTS, IN YOUR MIND… THE WAY IT IS PORTRAYED IN THE MEDIA… THROUGH THE INFORMATION CHANNELS…PRESS…RADIO…MOVIES AND TV NETWORKS…YES EVEN IN YOUR STUDY BOOKS… IS NOT REALITY!"
Wow. What an incredibly original thought. Personally, I'd like to go to sleep and dream until the 15-30 year-old males in the West would abandon The Matrix as their philosophy, and Fight Club as their aesthetic. It's so damned tiresome. (all complaints may be addressed to Alison Randall. Thanks.)



Faith Mouse
Just when you think Christian comics can't get worse... This one does not feature inane jokes, he actually forgot to include any actual jokes.
I visited the site today, June 7 2004, and found a loving tribute to Ronald Reagan. A great treat. It's nice to know the site is active and that Ronnie is with Jesus.


Hatemongers
A POSITIVE movie about Fred Phelps ? Please tell me this is some kind of prank... I feel sick...
I'm not sure it is a positive film at all. Actually it seems kind of interesting, from the clips available. I don't know if I could get through the movie myself without getting red in the face, though.


Angels On Assignment
Roland Buck believes he has met ANGELS in the "flesh". It was enough to make him write a book about it.
If I had a nickel for everyone who woke up in the middle of the night confronted by some supernatural being, I'd be a millionaire--as long as they were American nickels. 'Cause I mean an American millionaire.


Lord Warmington Studio
Terrible, terrible Christian art. Fabio meets Martin Luther.
He should totally make paint-by-numbers of this stuff. I'd buy one.


A Mighty Wind!
No relation with the movie of the same name. Self-appointed prophet writes down weird and convulted messages from God himself (there doesn't seem to be any other kind).
Please be warned that upon entering his site, you will be forced to listen to him "speak in tongues." You won't find out how to shut him up.


God Hates Harrodsburg
Apparently God really hates Harrodsburg in particular, and religion zealot Bart McQueary blasts faxes and letters to any person or company in sight to make sure that everyone else in the city knows it. One man's sad, obsessive quest for recognition of God's wrath. Also mirrored at www.godhatesharrodsburg.com, www.harrodsburgpd.com and www.harrodsburgky.us.
They are apparently supporters of the movie "Hatemongers," so now I'm even more confused. Oh, and The Phelps' have added Reagan to their hell population. I wonder how he gets along with Mr. Rogers?


Christian Neuroscience Society
What an oxymoron.
The idea is to look at the current and fascinating science surrounding religious and profound feelings in the brain and to say "it's not all in the mind." It's a strange interpretation of really valuable findings in temporal lobe studies, and plug in God. Those neuro-chemical reactions are not just reactions, but are placed there by God. Some people see this as a way to get religion's foot in the door of science. I find it sad.


GodShew.org
Anyone who can understand what this guy is talking about will get a beer. Seriously.
Possibly this person is suffering from the same symptoms best studied in the field of the above website.


Church of Fandel
If he had any charisma at all and did not obsess over Jenna Bush, we would have a cult leader in the making there.
Go to the page for Jenna Bush. Notice the far-set eyes. If that's not fetal alcohol syndrome...and remember the stories about Bush's old days? (Waiting for knock at my door.)


Christianity and Mathematics
Christianity is proven true by maths and lots of silly analogies. Uh-uh.
"Once a person has been called to be a Christian, we are redeemed by Christ but not released from following the law of God. We are justified once but continue with the process of sanctification for the remainder of our lives. This sanctification process is like the limit process of the secant lines approaching the tangent line."
Did he try sending this to an actual maths journal ? I would have given money to see the peer review guy laugh his ass off.

This is a case of trying too hard to fit required curriculum into Christian Agenda. Heaven Forfend we try and teach students something that's not swimming in the gravy of Christ's Everlasting Love.


end time prophetic ministry
This is your brain. This is your brain on dreams and drugs. Any questions ?
Upon opening this page, I was assaulted with the most migrane-inducing background colour ever. Perhaps Christians are protected from this, or perhaps the colour is meant to remove demons from my atheistic person. I can tell you this much: there is no way you're going to get me to read this site. I suggest you don't look, either.


Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will
Wow. A Christian site about sexuality which promotes anal sex (so you can stay a "virgin) and oral sex, with verses from the Bible, luridly reinterpreted. Includes other topics such as "A Strong Erection is a Gift from God" and "Is a Christian Threesome Possible?" (the answer : yes, as long as it's two women for one man, of course - that's the godly way).
From the section on oral sex: I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.
Lovers eating freely, whatever. But you should notice something: they should have a section on incest.



In-Souls
This beats Testa-Mints hands-down as the most ridiculous Christian consumer product ever.
Is there something you have to sign when becoming born-again, where you have to relinquish all sense of humour? In-SOULS?!?


11:11 O'Clock Explained
Wow. Who knew you could build an entire belief system out of numbers flashing on your VCR ? This is a new low.
But what about those poor, ignored Spirit-Angel Guides who are trying to contact you through 11:12, or 10:26? They need love, too.


Modest Homeschooling Christian Clothing sewn by a Truly Custom Clothing Sewing Seamstress
Welcome to the downfall of Western Civilization.
I wish I could leave it to that, but I should also point out that the domain name is modestapparelchristianclothinglydiaofpurpledressescustomsewing dot com. That's right.

After viewing the dresses, I have to say: I'm not sure this isn't some kind of sex thing.


Ask the Real Jesus
This is a gigantic and wholly incomprehensible Q&A site with the "real Jesus", who apparently has partaken of all kinds of drugs in the last 2000 years.



Reversing the Curse
The real curse of the Red Sox was not Babe Ruth. No sir. The real curse was that they didn't know JESUS. But now eight players have come forward to testify for the Lord. Praise the lord and pass the hot dogs !



1000-Year-Old Christian Fighting System Finally Revealed!
Uh... yea. I'm glad to know that the best fighting system in the world works by LOVE and "human whips". Too bad there are no videos.



The Bradford Exchange
Now this is a whole new kind of crackpot that we usually don't feature : extreme kitch. This collection of Christian and pseudo-Indian kitch is almost overwhelming. Look, there's an eagle painted on the wings of another eagle ! What the fuck ?



Egyptian-Witchcraft
I'm not sure what is most convincing: the testimonies, or the 400$ "Power Ritual" (with pre-spell analysis and 14 extensive Ritual Sessions). At least I am glad to know it is "100% Safe."



My Beloved's Garden
Especially noticeable for this "ANSWERS TO YOUR Christian sex QUESTIONS" page. Is sex okay or what?





Paranormal/Pseudo-science

WholeHealthMD
Your one-stop source for everything about alternative medecine. Would you trust your health to this MD ?
If you don't have a qi, ignore this site. But it does have an extensive list of all those popular supplements we hear about.


Angel Therapy
Doreen Virtue believes that everyone has a guardian angel, and she can communicate with it. The articles are very entertaining.
It's in my garbage bin with all the rest of the Poke-Angel, Chicken-Soup-For-The-Soul, Celestine poo-poo. Give me scary, murerous angels over those pretty, fluffy, lacy ones any day. I guess that's what Jack Chick and I have in common.


Ask Alana
Alana is a channeled entity who believes in a lot of nonsense. It would be hard to find something she does not believe in.
Do not bother clicking on the real audio icons to listen to Alana's vague answers to "your" questions. All you get is the sound of a woman not unlike the one on Romper Room in the 60's and 70's. (I'm recalling Miss Sally.) She would stare into the Magic Mirror and say "Romper, bomper, stomper, boo, Tell me, tell me, tell me, do, Magic Mirror, tell me, today, did all my friends have fun at play?" Then she could "see" all the kids out there with birthdays. I'd say that Miss Sally or Molly or whoever had a hell of a lot more good information from that mirror.


The invisible personnel and criminal life control surveillance systemt
Alan Yu thinks there are tiny invisible criminals levitating around the world and spreading death and illness. Really.
He's right. The criminals are called viruses.


Archimedes Plutonium Archimedes Plutonium
Yep, that's his real name. Archimedes Plutonium. He thinks the entire universe is an atom of plutonium, that all elements should be renamed, and that Quantum physics disproves evolution.
I love it when someone has a theory of everything.


Autodynamics Layman's Home Page
They think they disproved Einstein, but they don't even understand what a black hole is. Really brillant, folks. So moronic it's funny. I just like the "swimming guy".
"While Carezani's and his theory was trapped in Argentina, Einstein's Special Relativity became so ingrained, that it became impossible for any new theory to establish itself that disagreed with Einstein. Because the alternative did not appear globally until the mid 1990s (thanks to the Internet), scientists have been left to try and "fit" special relativity as best they can to the real world. Ninety years have passed since Einstein's theory and at least three generations have been born under its reign. During this time, many scientists have offered so-called "proof" for the theory, but this proof is coming under fire by many of today's "dissident" physicists."
" There's always a goddamned conspiracy, keeping the "truth" away from the people. Whenever they say that, folks, you know something's up. No matter how scientific something looks.



GNOOMY - Magic of Stone Power
Now you too can buy a fake quartz in an ugly, demeaning plastic cover and stick it on your cell phone ! It stops radio waves !
"Millions of cellular phones, personal computers and TV sets are constantly emitting electro-smog. Due to its particular crystalline structure and the composition of its oscillation energies the rose quartz reduces the negative effects of electro-magnetic waves. So say the stone- and nature medicine. Surround yourself with the power of these stones. "
Yes, you can have your own Gnoomy business. In Europe. I can't find anything remotely north American about this product anymore. I'm sure Europe won't put up with it much longer. Perhaps the Russians might like it.



The Theory of Cold Quantum
This guy is more rambling than Gene Ray, and uses more science words. I agree with the reader who wrote in the guestbook : "I don't get it. This sounds like scientific-sounding words thrown together by a computer."
"People knew the strong strength of cold quantum, therefore, I said the cold quantum pressure is the biggest force ever exist in the nature , but there are some people don't recognize the exist of strong cold quantum, after you have seen this article, please study it carefully , try to analyze whether I'm right or wrong , if I'm wrong , please criticize me , if I'm right , please help and support me. "
Happy to oblige.



Metatech
These guys believe in Scientology, kinesiology, Planet X, and everything else. A small but diverse web site.
They have recently found the real reason behind the "exploding currency." When we are all forced into a cashless society, the Government can explode all of it at the same time! This despite the original reporter's insistence that they only explode when you nuke 'em in a microwave oven. But thanks for the link, Metacrock...I mean Tech.


Harmonics International
Their motto : "The simplicity of healing lies in the fact that there is only one disease: Low-Level Wellness".
A good gimmicky way to sell inanimate acrylic rods as healing tools. Shout out to all you Simpsons fans!
Alleee, no one says "shout out" any more.
Whatever, Homes. I'm outie.


Coffee Pot Ghost
Her coffee pot is haunted. Really. Really badly, that is. Now I can understand why James Randi didn't test her - it sounds just ridiculous. And so do her bad remakes of songs adapted to her ghostly obsession.
Randi mentioned the coffee pot ghost several times on his site and even on his audio program. That's probably why she offers a million to anyone who can debunk her. I see. She's not making a claim at all! It's the skeptics making the outrageous claims that there aren't voices calling to her from her coffee pot. OK.


Tifareth
I like to read their product pages with an "infomercial host" voice.
Oh, no. Not an "informercial" voice. The voice of Da Wild and Crazy Guy! from early Saturday Night Live! Get this:
"And the best of all, the computer will make the influence while you are making another things like working, going to a party, etc."
It's the strip-mall "gypsy" palm-reader, gone high...well, medium...tech. (I make the pun. I say "medium!")



Quantum Power Devices Which Yield the Grand Unified Theory and the Darwinian Natural Selection Mechanism
Alan Cresswell thinks that thermodynamics is all wrong, and so free energy and the aether are possible. Possibly the only physics crackpot I've ever seen that prefers Einstein over Newton.
They have pretty pretty graphs, I mean "diagrams," proving they can break the laws of physics. Because it's "Quantum." It is very hard to get me to read something that has "Quantum" in the title, because it is the cause of at least 75 % of all bullshit.


Aliens and UFO Art
Aliens everywhere ! Apparently, this guy has never heard of artefacts due to the colour limits imposed by computers. So he sees snakes and aliens everywhere. That'll make you paranoid.
It's funny that he turns his theories on the Pope and calls it Satanic. After all, what is responsible for making people see innocent reptiles as being against God? Again, we see the harm religion has done to people.


DETECTING LANDMINES (or finding lost coins, etc) BY DOWSING with a Pendulum or Bobber
The pendulum is swinging... yep, definitively swin... BOOM !
I call upon all the Truly Faithful to use this wonderful technique to prove how much faith you have in your hearts.


NamePower101
Pseudo-scientific nonsense such as this :
"Some names to avoid if you wish to discourage hyperactivity: Brandon, Jason, Jeff, Kevin, Terry, Sheri, Willie, Dennis, Erik, Jenny, Drew, Mike, Brett, Maureen, Shelly, Rick, Jim"
And she sells an appreciation of your name for 25$. Good grief.

Get a phone consultation with Maryanne for $200 , and learn the best name to achieve everything you want in life. Legally change your name and get a post-name counseling session for $350 dolloars. Quite a racket. I just can't see how calling herself a "Nameologist" jibes with her revolutionary discovery.


Alien voice on my Mobile Phone
How much do you bet that this guy is the victim of an elaborate prank ? That would be too funny. Also, do the aliens call collect ?
"The "alien" sounded to me like a young man using a computerized synthesizer trying to play a joke on me.
That's correct, Doctor Dvir, M.Sc. (I think that's "Mister Sucker.")



Welcome, Knowflakes, to Lindaland !
"Membership is free, and you are only a click away from Lindaland. Do your S-elf a favor, and join us now. All of your fellow Knowflakes are waiting to get to k-NOW you. It's warm and cozy inside, like mewling kittens, and you just might chance upon the unmistakable k-NOWing Spiritual presence of Linda her S-elf".
angel_of_hope says:
now we can go on the magical journey of gooberz together! Except I think i will start from the beginning, cause its been a bit since I picked up the book! need to recapture the feelings again!
Recapture the gooberz, angel.



Canadian Patents Database : COSMIC CUBE
Crackpot patent #2010302 : the Cosmic Cube. Basically a complicated modern version of a cross between biorythm and the 8-Ball.
What is it?!? What could it be?!? Get ready...IT IS GABBO!


Aliens Medical Teams Collaborate with humans
Check out the videos of "channelings" and Adrian Dvir's explanation of his clinic. Wow.
Dr Dvir, who got prank-called by teenagers with voice-synths, has a crack staff of aliens on his team. And by "crack," I mean naturally, they probe. You would think that, with such a great team, he could graduate out of Angelfire hosting.


John Titor - Time Traveler
"Although there is debate over the exact date it started, on November 02, 2000, a person calling themselves Timetravel_0, and later John Titor, started posting on a public forum that he was a time traveler from the year 2036."
Where is John Titor? Simple. Buried under the 50 yard-line in that football field.


A Journey Into Dark Paganism
Take a LiveJournal. Mix a bunch of angsty teen wanna-be-Satanists. Hilarity ensues. Also read the tale of Cliff, Uber-magician.
He's renamed it "Gothic Paganism." Ooooooo. And there is an active message board in Delphi at Darker Pathways. It's a message board for people who want to show off their signatures and go blind from trying to read dark-blue font on black background. They are begging to wear glasses by age 30. This is how I, at 38, have managed to avoid having to wear glasses this long. Well, that, and not having the internet most of my life. Back then, gothic style was only for the Midnight-Movie fans, and they didn't think they could do spells.


moon landing was fake
It's not the ignorance of basic physics, no, that's rather common. It's the brutal honesty with which he does it that gives it bonus points.
This is not just "moon landing was fake." This is "Space Travel is Fake." He's got balls.


Glenn Burkett MINISTRIES
"CANDIDA QUIZ? You may have candida if you experience any of the following, then you need to order our candida package: (Circle below) Diarrhea, Diabetes, Arthritis, Acne, Skin rash, Yeast infection, Athlete’s foot, Hypothyroidism, Allergies, Jock itch, Cravings for sweets & Starches, Gout, Asthma, Abdominal pain, Headaches, Memory loss, Mood swings, Impotence, Prostatitis, Bad breath, Canker sores, Sore throat, White spots (tongue & mouth), Burning or coated tongue, Rectal itching, Night sweats, Severe itching, Vaginitis, Depression, Kidney infection, Bladder infection, Feel tired, Muscle and joint pain, Numbness ( face, hands, feet,) Tingling sensations, Congestion, Nagging cough, Clogged sinuses, Nail fungus, Heartburn, acid reflux."
The fact that he asks you to pray for his dog is an indication that the pills are...not so much. Or rather, that he never updated on the status of Princess' health, which he promised. I NEED CLOSURE!


Leveled Water
The Earth is FLAT. We swear ! Look at these pictures with a horizon ! This is what happens when someone makes one little mistake (i.e. thinking that what is "level" changes with curvature, which is obvious nonsense) and basing your entire worldview on it.
Since the Catholic Church can't build up a sphere of water, that proves it's flat!


My Truman Show
Schizophrenia is beautiful thing. Especially when it makes you believe you're god, running for President with Bill Gates, suing David Copperfield for 50 million dollars, and that all recent movies were all about your life. I hope I don't need to mention that the CIA and FBI are also involved.
How can the man that wrote this song be mad?

A whole new world
A place where paradise begins
A brand new day
A time when pain and suffering ends
A whole new world
A place where happiness runs free
A brand new day
A time when there's no misery'


He's like a 6 year-old girl with her Little Mermaid VHS!



Zero By Zero
This would be the best crackpot parody site ever, if it wasn't serious. All your math books lied to you : zero divided by zero is zero. Somehow pies and death are involved. This is what happens when you don't listen in school, folks.
I hope his middle-school math teacher has a restraining order, because this guy could really crack.


POSITIVE CO-CREATION
Scroll down to the section that starts with "Jerry and Esther Hicks introduced the Abraham message in 1986", where there are links to a number of sound files. I tend to be biased against New Age sites as a general rule, but these files are pure delight.
I based my character "Leslie Salva" on my Jack Chick Parody of "Bewitched" on the channelings of Dee here. I wonder what would have happened if the chosen accent for a very old Space Philosopher was German, or French. They would have a much smaller customer base.


Chemtrails DataPage
Chemtrails seem to be a rather peripheral topic here on Insolitology, because they seem to be packaged with all sorts of other beliefs. This site, however, is wonderful. Marilyn A. Guinnane, for instance, says : "Maybe I can find the pilots from hell who fly the airplanes that deliver these time-released death particles, (for that is what I suspect is, in large part, what the chemtrails are about,) and ask that they at least fly a few loop d' loops to make the designs a little more captivating". I sympathize, I really do.
I think the lines are pretty.


India Daily - TECHNOLOGY
The India Daily must be the Weekly World News of India - their technology section is basically devoted to UFO and UFO-related nonsense. But admit it : it makes the headlines more interesting when you read this one : "Reverse engineering extraterrestrial UFO communications systems provides clues to human multidimensional consciousness and existence".
On 05/11/05:
Using high intensity electromagnetic fields to change the earth’s crust for oil and gas exploration – alien technology in human hands - reason for excessive earthquakes? Always a Kornucopia of Krackpottery.



Shooter Buddy Aging Accelerator
Magnetic fields can do anything, it seems, including age wine magically in only seconds. Thing is, they could test this ridiculous claim very easily : just put a glass of milk in there and wait until it curds. Let's place bets, shall we ?
Don't be surprised who buys it. I lread an article in "Wine Spectator" saying it probably works. Now that's sad.


Popstrology
I wanted to consider this a parody, because of how absolutely ridiculous it is. But yet, it was reported to me as serious and nothing indicates that it is a parody. So take a look at popstrology, the belief that the hit song at the week of your birth indicates your personality. And if the singer of that song was also the top singer of the year, you can be a "double-Elton", or even a "double-Elvis". Who wouldn't want to be a double-Elvis ?
Well, at least a song is more likely to affect you than a planet. But wouldn't it be more likely that the top song playing the year of your high school graduation or something be more influential?


PROPHET YAHWEH
"My name is Prophet Yahweh, and it means: "prophet of YAHWEH."" he believes that he can make UFOs appear just by praying. Get videos of his crappy UFO apparitions and "Behind the Scenes" footage for only 8$ a month.
What's Korla Pandit doing talking about UFO's?


The Peculiar Rocks of Mars
Oh, this is a fun game ! Look at the pictures of rocks from Mars and find patterns in them that look like animals or geometric forms ! Dangit, there must be life on Mars. We knew it all along.



Higher Power Technologies
They're selling machines that fulfill your wishes in the "astral plane", right ? Here's what I want to know : if they can already fulfill all their wishes, why are they selling the damn machines ?
Hey! They were using these on the movie The Trial of Billy Jack. That must mean they work!


TACHYON ENERGY PRODUCTS
Almost good enough to be reviewed. Tachyons can apparently be put into pretty much anything, even though they travel faster than light. Wow ! How do they do that ?
Paint a room with a bottle of Star Dust and create a special womb/healing space. You used to just have to burn a bunch of sage. But now you have to spend $150 for an 8 oz bottle. Yeah, it's a racket.


I Create Reality
The beauty of pseudo-science is that you can push it to the very limit, if you're lunatic enough, and sell it at high profit. This is a fine example of this genre. These books are supposed to teach you no less than how to create your own reality ! Du du dummm.
Is it just a coincidence that the banner for this site looks like The Weekly World News? They know their audience.
Actually, that's a template used by many quacks to sell their over-hyped books and tapes. It's obvious why it works - it has big fonts, bullet lists, and lots of boxes with more hype in them.


sungazing
For sheer insanity, you probably can't beat people who seriously advocate eliminating hunger and disease by staring at the Sun for 20 minutes every day.
Back in the sixties, this phenomena was propaganda created by a pharmacist to get hippies to stop taking LSD. The story goes that some hippies went blind during an acid trip. The whole thing was fiction. Now it really is good for you? Wow...


Gentle Wind Project
The Gentle Wind Project is a cult whose followers cure their ailments and evolve by holding little plastic cards ("Instruments") encoded with "spiritual etheric nature", which apparently has to do with splashes of primary colours and weird code. Now that's a cult idea they didn't rack their brains to make up.



Academy of Remote Viewing and Influencing through Time and Space
*groan* "The Remote Influencing Thought And Reality Course teaches you how to access levels of your deep unconscious vibratory self (Delta level of Mind: usual deep sleep, and beyond), while remaining in a conscious full aware awake state, that then allows you to easily mold reality to your highest and best wishes. You will basically be able to have "the matrix reloaded" to your desires."



Stop Alien Abductions
This site purports to give you detailed instructions on how to make an anti-alien mind-control helmet. I am not quite sure if this is a satire or not, but either way someone has a lot of time on their hands. At least it's not made of tinfoil.



Dolphin Connection
Read the "sasquatch" section. It's obvious that this woman is very gullible and delusional, and that she's been had by this "Susan" woman and her stupid little tricks. It's both funny and sad.





Other

explodingdog
An "artsy" comic, which is funny very seldom, and ridiculous most of the time.
Ah, yes. Refusal to use capital letters. (Sweetheart, e.e. cummings already did it)


superbad
An "artsy" site where the goal is to be clever by finding where to click and looking at the weird pictures.
I have yet to explore the depths of this site, yet I'm strangely compelled to keep going.


Welcome to the Falcon's Nest
The answer to the question "what would a web site look like if it was made by a retard ?". The funniest ? He's a web designer.
Fun for Men Only! (Rain-Men.)


10K4awife
This man will give you 10 000$ if you can help him find a wife.
Is that all a wife costs these days? I think the price should be much, much higher.


Libertarian National Socialist Green Party
Trying to figure these guys out is like trying to assemble a 3-D puzzle with razor-sharp pieces.
Put all those ideologies together, and they cancel each other out. I think someone should tell them.


Kids-In-Mind : Movie Reviews that Actually Work
This must be some new definition of "work" no one advised me of. This is like a movie reviewer turned kindergarden teacher - they see violence and sex in EVERYTHING.



FBI Tips and Public Leads
Report your friends and family for fun and profit ! Ignorance is knowledge, and all that.



Menstruflage
Warning : do not go on this site if you are eating. This is serious ! But if you've ever wanted to make t-shirts with your own menstrual fluids, this is for you.



700 Shuttles to End War on Earth
Long, rambling, bad poems about how George Bush is evil, NASA is evil, space travel is really, really cool, the oil companies are really evil, etc etc. It just goes on and on forever.



How My Sister Treated Me When I Was Mentally Ill
I am not sure this person is still not mentally ill. Am absurdist Gene Ray-type writing and disjointedness... even worse than the master himself.



Dog Island
"Over 2,500 dogs are already enjoying a better life at Dog Island. Separated from the anxieties of urban life, dogs on Dog Island live a natural, healthy and happy life". How utterly bizarre. But the best part is in the FAQ where you learn what's in store for your formerly scientific-chow-fed friend : "Every now and then some dogs gang up and kill and then eat another dog". Looks like they also get a "natural" lifespan.



Throw Me a Line
"The web's largest collection of pick-up lines". Perhaps it is - but do they have to be so absurd ? Then again, pick-up lines are not really a high literary genre.



Tele Health Care
They have everything you need, from a penis enlarger to a memory enhancer. All explained in broken english. There might be a new "all your base" fad in there.



Marco Melanson
A man, his music, and his obsessions.



Complaints about TV Entertainment
People obsessed about mistakes on TV shows make a web page. Their comments range from the inane ("[I]n support of his opinion that Santa Claus is white, Bill Maher mentioned the residence at the North Pole. Although no one lives at the North Pole, most of the people nearby are Eskimo.") to the insane ("Conan O'Brien announced a musical ensemble as "Cootie and the Blowfish". Fortunately, Hootie did not make an issue of the mistake.").



Spare-Rods.com
A free spare rod. So you can beat your child "without anger and with respect". The best case for Internet censorship I've ever seen.



SMC eCommerce Full Catalog
Scam-a-licious catalogue of completely and stunningly useless pricey items.



New Ancient Sex Academy
No, not the space NASA one, the one with a lot of nude pictures in it.



Precious Moments
Brrr. Those are some creepy figurines. To think that they are sold en masse all over the world.



Help Free Andrea Mims




WholesomeWear
Uuuuurgh. This is the end of the line, folks. Welcome to the breakdown of modern culture.



Wow Banking
You know the stereotype that banks have to be serious and stuffy affairs ? Well, this certainly does not follow the stereotype. In fact, it looks more like a little girl's site. Do they have any customers ? I doubt it.



Pork 4 Kids
Hey kids ! Wanna eat pork ? Participate in this blatant example of commercialism gone berserk !



HUMAN MORTALITY ACT OF 2005
Crackpot enough to be on our reviews, but not long enough. But still, "using sexuality with intent to grow a person to destructively test them" ? What the hell ?



ManWoman
Hey look, I'm an artist ! I'm really witty !



Location Earth Dog Tags
I included this site because I especially like the notice : "should you ever be abducted by aliens while wearing Location Earth Dog Tags and not returned safely to Earth you will be entitled to a full refund at the purchase price."



Priceless Pics of Enchanting Precious Moments Pictures
This site answers the question : what would happen if the worst Photoshop user in the world decided to start his own photo editing business ? The results : hilarious. According to his "Who is Photo Enhancer" page, his hobby "goes all the way back to the days when [he] pounded corn onto the murals of the World's only Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD" (!).



GreenSparkling
Made by an inventor who claims to have invented a "green traffic system", a "nontoxic cigarette" and a "simpleton computer". Unfortunately he forgot to explain in simple terms what either of these are supposed to be or how they work, or to learn english sufficiently to do so, but he didn't forget to ask for money.



Dressed
A complete cat marriage, from some psychotic woman's overactive imagination.



Party Tent City Tent, Awnings, Canopies, Dome Tents Awning Shelters,Tarps
Wow. I have to give this page the Award for Worst Site on the Internet. Some other sites featured here are randawful, but at least they are coded correctly. This site, on the other hand, does absolutely nothing right. This is what happens when you give a retard an HTML editor and let him slam his body into the keyboard until it makes a web site. Also see some other of their sites, like God Is The .com Who is God? Bible Quotes Bible Coach and Brian Nelson Consulting .com. Also see this other competitor for Worst Site : RogerART



Structure of Reality
This site should by all rights be reviewed on this site, except that it makes absolutely no fucking sense. This entire site is written in a language that looks like English, but is not actually English.
A sample : "Its Proportional EFFECT; “HOW MUCH of B”, its “less / equal / more”, must be “exchanged” for the “A” to produce EQUIVALENCE of BENEFITS, leads to Language, Intellect - culminating a million years later in every A = Bx of the Sciences and Mathematics. Hence, for a “quantification” to begin there must first be “something factual” to “quantify”…"




Eulogies
This is kinda bizarre... you can buy generic eulogies for only 20 dollars each. At least you get to choose whether your eulogy mentions God or not.



Votergasm
Democracy fanatics ask you to withdraw sex from anyone who doesn't vote. Hey, it worked for the Catholic Church. All I can say is, I don't want to have sex with any woman who follows such inane propaganda ploys.



Roseanne's Blog
Roseanne is batshit insane. Her blog proves it.

"Meditators!: you must change this..send your laser mind's eye out scanning the world and zapping into dust the thoughts in the dark mind of others.. rid yourselves of these thoughts.. lesson these hatred thoughts and these materialist thoughts and these competitive thoughts about getting more things/ money . KILL THIS MIND!"




African in America
One of the most insane, racist, hilarious blogs ever written. See for instance the post "Racism in American films," where he of the dark skin hue and small brain points out all the "racism" in movies, such as:

The DaVinci Code (2006) – Not a single African character in the film despite the fact Jesus was African.




Welcome to The Berlin Wall - A Love Story
He loves the Berlin Wall. The destruction of the Berlin Wall was a shock: "The 9th of November 1989 was a shock to me, which is an understatement. I can't express in words how I felt. :-( 1989 is a year I honestly wish I never had to experience. I never thought it would happen either. If I only could obliterate that year from history. Only one word adequately describes my feelings - TRAGEDY!"



Lee L. Mercer Jr. for President 2008
The only candidate for president that has a platform that makes no sense whatsoever. But it still probably makes more sense than the real candidates. He loves the word "enforce" a lot- apparently it's his favourite word because it's all over his statements on the issues (which also make no sense).



BIGFOOT research by the International Cryptozoological Society
What is Bigfoot? "The Indian medicine men say that Bigfoot is a spiritual being, that has the ability to shape-shift, and also to be solid-physical - or not- when it wants to do so. WE AGREE WITH THIS. This means you cannot kill, trap nor capture a Bigfoot. But, we can communicate with them and learn from them. They will NOT harm you. Let us work to learn." This site is what happens when people start obsessing over blurry pictures of a famous non-existing pop icon.