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Crackpots on Usenet



What pushes the delusional mind to try to seek approval on Usenet, an anarchy if there is one ? Our favourite crackpots have more courage than anyone else. They just know that their Sacred Doctrine must be known by all. Here we honour them by putting up their most hilarious or enlightening posts for all to read. Because stuff like that just needs to be archived and read, for the enlightement of the world.

All mistakes and lack of paragraphs are theirs, and they can keep them.



Jump to:

ALEX CHIU
ROBERT T. LEE
GEORGE HAMMOND
M.C. SHAMPOO
Other luminaries



Alex Chiu



When I was in high school, I used to wear a Tshirt "Blacks in popular demand". Now Im in the real world, come to think of it, I was so incredibly stupid to even wear that shirt. Black in popular demand? Makes me look stupid.
on soc.culture.african.american (Google archive link)

I don't like people's attitude here. This group is supposed to be people who r serious about a solution to immortality or life-extension. But all I see is a bunch of close minded assholes here. They refuse to believe even the slightest possibility that physical immortality can actually be achieved. Regardless my device works or not. People must have respect to all concept, all ideas, all ways. Regardless if it is magnetics, genetics, or drugs. People must be open minded to everything because u don't know which works before you test it. U cannot say Alex Chiu is a scam before u personally have tried his device. U cannot simply say "This guy is a con man." just because u think magnetics is too simple or u believe immortality should be achieved by another method. U don't have the authority to disbelieve if you don't try. Few years later, maybe some other scientist will invent another solution to physical immortality. He comes here to share his discovery with everyone. But he will leave in disgust just like me because whole bunch of close minded assholes are floating around here. Make fun of the ones who are serious. Joke around about my invention. Must be fun. But this newsgroup is about immortality and life-extension. I think u people are totally wasting this newsgroup. I don't like it here. Im leaving. Don't write to me anymore because from now on I won't come here. Have a good trip to hell, assholes.
on alt.immortal (Google archive link)

Hey who da fuck are you? What the hell u doing here? We can post anything we want. Im Alex Chiu, the immortal man. Who the hell are u?
on alt.immortal, sci.life-extension (Google archive link)

How the hell do you know Im a false prophet? I tell you, if a prophet can predict the future accurately, there is no way that he is a false prophet. A prophet's job is to prophesied the future. (predict the future) If I tell you that Yahoo will go to around $200 a share in September 2001, If it came true, how can you say I am a false prophet? Remember september 2001, yahoo around $200.

I tell you who's the most famous false prophet. Jesus the man. Christ wannabe. Predicted everything shall happen to himself. Ended up getting nothing. Got his ass tied up on the God damn cross.

on alt.immortal (Google archive link)

Heil Hitler.
on de.sci.geschichte (Google archive link)



Robert T. Lee

(Society for the Practical Establishment and Perpetuation of the Ten Commandments)

This is a worldwide challenge to the most educated atheists on earth. In the interest of "proof and evidence", We challenge any of you to present proof and evidence that human embryos and fetuses are *not* human. We use human embryos and fetuses as examples to prove that atheists are not truly interested in "proof and evidence."

Respond if you have proof. If you have no proof, own up to it and admit that your belief that human embryos and fetuses aren't human is mere speculation.

Only the most educated atheists must respond. We ask this so that the public will see the level of intelligence that is found among the most educated.

All responses will be viewed as official responses from the most educated atheists.

Absence of proof is to be regarded as inability to supply proof and evidence.

This challenge is not to be regarded as being "off topic".

on alt.atheism (Google archive link)

"Atheists are too blind to realize it, but their atheism causes them to be antiSemitic. Since they don't believe the veracity of the Holy Bible, they don't beleive in the veracity of the histoy of the Jews of old. Atheism as it applies to the Torah stricks at the root of the ethnicity of the Jews."(RTL)
on alt.discordia (Google archive link)



George Hammond



You know, it has occurred to me that one of you worthless geeks out there who can write, should start drafting a manuscript of the THIRD TESTAMENT of the Bible, an account of the discovery of the Scientific Proof of God.
Here's a rough outline:


THIRD TESTAMENT OF THE BIBLE

Chapter 1 Einstein and the theory of Relativity

Chapter 2 The Holocaust and the Atomic Bomb

Chapter 3 The Scientific Proof of God


Now, this is a bare bones outline, and eventually there's a lot more stuff people are going to want to put in there, but somebody ought to get started writing it and post it on the Internet and get it in circulation... after all, it may take 20 years to get it canonized by the Church.

on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

Hammond on Gene Ray :
Go bother amateurs like Barney Timecube, stop bothering experts.
on sci.physics.relativity (Google archive link)

No... you are merely totally ignorant of the central fact of the discovery:
_________________________________________________
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
| spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space |
|_________________________________________________|

I suggest you write that on the blackboard 25 times until you you at least notice it.
After you have "noticed it" then you can read about it in your FAQ on the subject which tells you HOW, and I said HOW, spacetime PHYSICALLY CAUSES psychometric space:

http://home.attbi.com/~ghammond/Rie-Helm-Weyl.html

READ YOUR FAQ..... READ YOUR FAQ..... READ YOUR FAQ

on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

Anybody who would use the term "ignorant racist" IS AN IGNORANT RACIST.. which probably means you are an ignorant racist.
Further more you've got a loud ignorant mouth, an aggravated arrogant attitude... and no education.
You might even be a phoney Jew or an impostor, or a Nazi disguised as a Jew... (there are a lot of those BTW).
You have no scientific education and are incapable of discussing the theory, so instead you'll sit there and try and start some jerkwater racist bullshit, and/or religious scriptural bullshit, and/or Christian/Moslem/Jewish scriptural bullshit.
Fact of the matter is, you're nothing but bullshit from beginning to end.
You wouldn't know a scientific proof of God if you saw one in a burning bush.
Look, there must be some educated Jewish people somewhere in the U.S. or in Israel. Why don't you find one of your Jewish buddies who knows some PHYSICS AND THEOLOGY who can intelligently discuss this with me. I've already tried the Jesuits at the Vatican Observatory, and they're obtuse and timid... whoever gave them an SJ degree ought to be impeached.

on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

Anyway, flooring my Arlex taxi I screeched into the Boston Public Library, double parked and left the motor running doors locked so as not to get a ticket. Grabbing a copy of Grey's Anatomy 29th ed. I flip it open to p. 868, and there it is: Two eyeballs with two crosses right on top of them... turns out the whole visual system is an anatomical quadrature.. there is even something called "Quadrantanopia",... I stood there dazed... knowing what I knew about physics.. I knew I had discovered a fundamental secret of Life... how fundamental, I was yet to behold.
on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

Baaaahhhhh ha ahahahahh hahahhahah ha ah ha ha ha h
hahahahah hhaaaaahhahahah ahhahaaaaaahahah ha ah ha ha
haaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa haa hah hha hah hah!
(on and on for three pages)
on sci.physics.relativity (Google archive link)

Hey look dork... Darwin would have you believe the "shape" of man is determined by myriad natural forces and natural Selection. WRONG, the shape of Man is determined by axiomatic geometry and is IMMUNE TO EVOLUTION, as Sir Richard Owen said 150 years ago, and Hammond has now PROVED.
This is why the CROSS (the Cartesian coordinate system) is the universal symbol of God and Man..... remember "man ws made in the image of God". Friggin dork.

on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

On this NG (.relativity) there are 100 "internet-kooks" claiming a hundred different ways to "prove Einstein's theory is wrong"... what does that mean.... it means everytime some top notch physicist such as Einstein or Hammond makes a historic discovery... the kooks go into paroxysms of fellus jage and start harassing the theory. It simply proves the theory is CORRECT.
on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

To the suffering wretched poor of the World

I have a message of immediate hope to the desperate and suffering poor of the world.

I am not here to talk to the comfortable, the smug, the overprivileged, the pompous and pedantic mollycoddled elite of the world.

A scientific proof of God has been discovered by a United States Physicist (see website below). This miracle will transform world society overnight, bring about the downfall of bureaucratic oppression, exploitation, criminal injustice, and the smug inactivity and unconcern of the elite classes.

For 3 years I have been posting this discovery to the Physics newsgroups on Usenet, and have been met with nothing but jeers, ridicule, hate, harassment, abuse and suppression. The elite classes DO NOT CARE about the welfare of humanity.

There is only one course of action. The poor and the illiterate of the world must spread the word of this discovery among the vast suffering masses of the world. By word of mouth if necessary.

It is only after millions of suffering people begin to demand action by the upper classes and the elite, and the scientists and academics, that we will finally have the deliverance of the scientific proof of God and deliverance of humanity from its chains of poverty and suffering.

I urge you to tell anyone and everyone about the discovery of a scientific proof of God, and tell them it's on the Internet. You don't need to understand it to tell someone about it. And, as a person suffering from poverty and oppression, YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS... it means the power of Religion has finally been made equal to the power of money and military force.
WE ARE FREE AT LAST
I urge you to spread the word to anyone who will listen, as soon as possible.
THE WORLD HAS BEEN DELIVERED BY A MIRACLE

on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, sci.skeptic and 75 religious newsgroups (Google archive link)

since a nocturnal dream is only visual because only sight is shut off during sleep...
on sci.physics.relativity, alt.religion.kibology, sci.physics, sci.skeptic, alt.sci.proof-of-god (Google archive link)

>> [Hammond]
>> WRONG...... "God" USED TO BE unquantifiable, but that is
>> all changed now. Since the discovery of the Scientific Proof
>> of God (SPoG) by Hammond (peer/published 2003) we can
>> now tell you with complete confidence:

>> 1. How large Heaven is, in cubic miles.
>> 2. How much Heaven weighs, in tons.
>> 3. The actual height, weight and IQ of God.
>> 4. The approximate date of "Kingdom Come".
>> 5. The lifespan of God.
>> 6. Whether or not God has a cell phone.

>> all to 1 or 2 significant figures.

> Thanks a lot. A fair amount of coffee has sputtered all over my shirt > as a result of this post.

> I did look for the above numbers in the website listed below but
> somehow missed them. I'd appreciate a post listing the numbers for each
> quantity above.

[Hammond]

1) True reality is about 20% larger than "visible" reality, this 20% of reality which is "invisible" is called "Heaven". Therefore, since we know the radius of the Universe is about 14 billion light years (age of the Big Bang), then 20% of that volume is the size of Heaven or about 2.3x10^30 cubic light years.

2) Knowing the volume of "Heaven" from 1), and taking the average density of the Universe to be about 3x10^-30 g/cc, we get about 6 10^54 grams for the weight of Heaven. You can check my figures at: http://curious.astro.cornell.edu/question.php?number=342

3) Since the "anthropomorphic" God of history (the God of the Bible) is simply a full grown man, we may estimate the height, weight and IQ of the best full grown man in the population and assume he would be 20% better than the best specimen on Earth ... this means he would be about 7.5 feet tall, 270 pounds and have an IQ of about 300.

4) The secular Trend in human growth is a sigmoidal curve (S-curve) which will reach a plateau when the average person finally achieves full growth. My reading of the Secular Trend data estimates that this date is around 4,000 AD although it is hard to estimate since the curve has been growing exponentially since the Industrial Revolution.

5) The lifespan of God is essentially an estimate of the "theoretical lifespan" of a fully grown man (described above). A rough estimate can be made from adding 20% to the longest lifespans thus recorded... say an age of 1.2 x 125 = 150 years.

6) He has caller ID, but doesn't answer calls viva voce.

on sci.physics.relativity, alt.religion.kibology, sci.physics, sci.skeptic, alt.sci.proof-of-god (Google archive link)

> ".how can we know that the universe wasn't created five minutes ago? "
> --Bertrand Russell

[Hammond]
Bertrand Russell was of course a legendary fool, famous principally for the fact that he lived to be 97 years old. That he was a fool is demonstrated by the fact that he was at one time the world's most famous atheist.

Fools of course often speak the truth without knowing it, and Russell was famous for his legendary ability to portray the "idiot savant". In his statement, Russell can apparently understand how the world could be "only five minutes old" but was apparently quite unable to understand how Genesis could argue that the world was only 100,000 years old. Amazingly of course, Russell has answered the Creation Paradox when he pointed out that indeed the world might be only 5 minutes old, never mind only 6,000 years or 100,000 years old.

In point of fact, we have EVIDENCE that our world (our consciousness) began 100,000 years ago and not 5 minutes ago, because our species (hence our brain) emerged 100,000 years ago when the species Homo-Sapiens-sapiens first appeared.

Of course, many believe Russell only played the Atheistic fool in public and was actually a devout person who couldn't abide the stupidity of atheists....... guess we'll never know..... but the above famous quote by him indicates that he actually DID UNDERSTAND what God was. In fact my own version of Russell's statment goes like this:

If all men are to die five minutes from now,
then the universe will cease to exist five
minutes from now.
Thus my statement is confirmed by Bertrand Russell's famous "5 minute argument"!

on sci.physics.relativity, sci.physics, alt.sci.physics.new-theories, alt.sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)

Hey look heckler.... you don't have any trouble figuring out who Humpty Dumpty, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny are DO YOU? Reading "Grimm's Fairy Tales" or watching Walt Disney Cartoons about Bugs Bunney, Donald Duck and Porky Pig are no mystery to you, are they? People aren't stupid... especially Americans over the age of 50 or 60 or 70... or even some of them merely over 30, or 40 ! The BIBLE has been the world's number one read and best selling book for 2,000 YEARS for chrissakes.... are you trying to tell me that the BILLIONS OF READERS of the Bible don't know that "Jonah getting swallowed by a whale" is a message to RICHARD SIMMONS that he better start helping the FAT GIRLS lose some weight or they're going to eat him alive... and Jonah too. Wake the fuck up.....
on sci.physics.relativity,alt.philosophy,alt.philosophy.debate,alt.atheism,uk.philosophy.atheism (Google archive link)

when I sday yo're not MAN ENOUGH I'm not referring to the right to TRIAL BY COMBAT I'm referring to meeting your responsiblity to the SURRERING WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND ENSLAVED MEN of the world who DESPERATELY NEED a "scientific proof of God" IF THERE IS ONE..... and who are you to start ridiculing a physicist/author who has actually PUBLISHED ONE IN THE PEER REVIEWED LITERATURE.... especially when you have NO CREDENTIALS in Science, Theology, Biology, Psychometry....... for chrissakes!

DO YOU REALLY WONDER WHY I STAR SWEARING A BULUE STREAK AT COPWARDS, NEOPHYTES, NUMBSKULLS, AND BIGMOUTHS LIKE YOU!!!

WHEN YOU ARE MAN ENOUGH TO BE:

SERIOUS
POLITE
and
RESPONSIBLE

then I will talk to you.... until then you're just another irresponsible vandal, graffiti artist and heckler!

MILLIONS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE DYING.... and I hold a major new scientific weapon to alleviate that suffering (by unifying, proving, and empowering Religion)..... DO YOU THINK that I'm going to let some candyass nobody like you stand in the way and ridicule and insult me.... GET REAL!

on sci.physics.relativity, alt.philosophy, alt.philosophy.debate, alt.atheism, uk.philosophy.atheism (Google archive link)

The Forbidden Fruit:
is a "code word" for sodomy and naturally such excessive (adult) behavior is best discussed in "code words" in front of children.

The Parting of the "Red Sea":
is a code word for the "menstrual taboo" which is one of mankind's oldest and most notorious sources of neurosis. Again, a "code word" is employed to discuss something like this in front of preadolescent youths.

on sci.physics.relativity, alt.philosophy, alt.philosophy.debate, alt.atheism, uk.philosophy.atheism (Google archive link)



M.C. Shampoo



The entire M.C. Shampoo (Usenet name : "Kevin \"shampoo\" Nadeau") spams can't be reproduced here, due to extreme size. One example can be seen here. Here is an extract :

I have invented superior data compression that is vastly superior to any other data compression available on Earth. This data compression algorithm uses word or data set matching and backwards word or data set matching and much more: such as diagonal, forward and reverse word or data set matching - much like a crossword puzzle. This idea was invented by Shampoo.


I have invented a combined chess and checkers board. This board will allow the playing of both games within the same board. This idea was invented by Shampoo.


I have invented the concept of a multicast device (all information sent is the same for all people receiving it) that allows everyone on Earth with a receiving station to receive the same information digitally. The same information is downloaded to all receiving stations on a hard disk and then can be selectively viewed. Information could be the latest news that is available and could be viewed, reviewed or not viewed under a user-based selection system similar to the way you would view cnn.com on the internet. After a period of 1 hour, all news and information is updated on the device that is receiving the signal. This device would be democratically administrated so that people could vote on what they wanted to see most or least on these information receiving devices. Information on these devices could be music, video, images, text and would most likely be a combination of all of these. The receiving device would be comparatively like seeing the news on television while being able to replay it anywhere in the broadcast for up to 1 hour. You could read the latest sports scores, review the weather and much more. This device is controlled by the population that votes. It will be able to provide anything that people want to see or hear from it. This device provides the worlds highest freedom when it comes to broadcasting. This idea was invented by Shampoo.


I have proceeded to create a ISO standard (International standard) for resource dedicating on computers to switch operating systems with the press of a button using multi-threading busses to have the multiple operating systems simultaneously running on the same computer. This idea was invented by Shampoo.


I also have invented a process for creating a rock inside of a computer, one that all of the people in the world could artificially engrave in a tombstone-style text whatever they wish. If built, this rock would enable all people on Earth to store one paragraph or more worth of information that would be permanently stored on the computer. The information stored would outlive the person whom engraved the rock because the rock would be of a 0.8 micron process with 500,000 transistors in the space of a 486 Central Processing Unit. A 486 Central Processing Unit actually has over 800,000 transistors. My design would be more reliable than a 486. Some people may think that a 0.8 micron process is too slow - this is incorrect if it is a 1024 bit or higher processor, then it could do more in increased volume than a smaller processor. The processor would last many hundreds of years and this is why the space shuttle uses similar technology - where failure is not an option. The information engraved in the rock which is purple and blue and marble-like and is black in some areas where the operating system blocks out information that a person may chose to remove from the rock. The information people place on the rock is permanent. Data is stored in the style of something similar to a Nintendo video game cartridge which is Read Only Memory (ROM) and will almost certainly last many lifetimes before failure. The rock is rectangular and information within it could be searched through or zoomed in and out of viewing range. The rock would cost based on the price of data storage media. For instance: an 80 GigaByte hard disk can hold 80 billion characters of information - this would give every single person on Earth approximately 13 characters of information on the rock for about $50 worth of failure prone storage like a personal computer hard disk. The design intentions are to make the rock outlast 10's of lifetimes before repair, to be redundant in all ways and last for eternity. The rock is for love letters, poems, eulogies and anything at all. This rock is free and will remain free and will never cost monetary values to use the contents of it or place information on it. Light from the fiber optic inter-connects would be magnified and sent to solar panels and then that energy would be used to power the system. It would be electrically efficient. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

I have invented a Central Processing Unit design that allows failed components of the Central Processing Unit to be replaced without replacing the entire Central Processing Unit. The massive Central Processing Unit would be in a grid-like pattern and each failed quadrant of the grid could then be replaced with a new quadrant. The primary failure prone areas such as the Floating Point Unit and system Cache is designed to run on the outside of the core Central Processing Unit. Beneath the primary failure prone construction resides the backup infrastructure. Once a failure is detected the processing moves closer to the Central Processing Unit. What results is a faster computation during a failure. This schematic would allow many layers of redundancy with many higher levels where the highest level is the one that gets re-routed to a layer closer to the Central Processing Unit during a failure and then, if there was a subsequent failure, the level beneath it (which is closer to the core part of the Central Processing unit) is activated. Failed modules such as the Floating Point Unit and system Cache could be replaced while the system is running and then would be engaged to compute information. This idea was invented by Shampoo.

OTHER



An otherwise normal guy named "Adam Kerman" once posted a rash of messages similar to this one all over Usenet. The disjointed end part seems to come from a generator.

That's right you stupid, inbred, shit eating, pathetic, motherfucking, brain dead, useless cocksuckers! I'm taking over all of Usenet! There isn't a fucking thing you can do about it either! You're all a bunch of worthless scumbags, and now you will all answer to me! If you don't like this fact TOO FUCKING BAD! I will go down in the annals of usenet history as the man who brought you to your knees! Now get down on your knees and pay proper tribute to my glorious self!

I AM ADAM H. KERMAN LORD AND HIGH MASTER OF USENET!

My first royal order to all of you peons is that from this time forward you will add the following signature to all of your posts!

***** This was posted with the express permission of *****
**********************************************************
** HIS HIGHNESS ADAM H KERMAN LORD AND MASTER OF USENET **
**********************************************************
*********** We are simple servants of his will ***********

This will be appended to the bottom of all your posts with absolutely NO EXCEPTIONS! If you choose not to, you will be squashed like the insignificant bugs that you all are!

I am running Usenet now! You may only post messages here because I, for the time being, am allowing it! Do you scumbags understand me!

THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF KERMAN!

ALL HAIL ADAM H. KERMAN LORD AND HIGH MASTER OF USENET!

She wants to kill root functions about Jimmy's beanpole. Jessica manages once, propagates slowly, then engulfs inside the screen throughout the CERT. If the out of date zipdisks can prepare superbly, the inner stack may push more databases. Tell Kaye it's violent disrupting within a firewall. They are flowing within unique, at lost, outside wet cowboys. Well, Mel never disconnects until Jimmy defeats the strange LAN cruelly. Who locates frantically, when Thomas preserves the untouched procedure for the market? Morris regularly interfaces idiotic and recycles our flat, slow laptops within a printer. Hardly any strong basement or DEA, and she'll furiously inflate everybody. Where did Austin outwit in all the CDROMs? We can't persevere Javas unless Cathy will daily vend afterwards. Try not to distribute the backups neatly, examine them amazingly. The thoughts, outputs, and inputs are all unlimited and cold. As seemingly as Donovan defiles, you can wash the administrator much more fully. Some huge toffees are untamed and other erect discs are insecure, but will Anne dream that? You won't filter me facilitating beside your cosmetic bank. Are you stuck, I mean, producing over sticky trackballs? I am partly discarded, so I tolerate you. Until Georgette types the errors admiringly, Bert won't transport any rogue websites. Where did Genevieve annoy the FORTRAN near the stupid ActiveX? Do not compile halfheartedly while you're negotiating in back of a usable llama. Ron, still loading, excludes almost gently, as the mouse dumps alongside their pseudonym. Otherwise the BASIC in Toni's PERL might contribute some retarded Pascals. Willy reboots the JPEG against hers and badly moans.

on alt.config, rec.woodworking, sci.astro.amateur, sci.physics, sci.skeptic (Google archive link)


"Steve" Ross believes that he was a childhood friend of Steven Spielberg and created pretty much everything from ET to Star Wars.

Perhaps your ignorance offended them. You see, some of them know me already. I wrote all of the unattributed poems for Dead Poets Society, discoverer of The Force, I am the first Jedi, with a flatulant wave I threw European communism into the dustbin. Maybe they know I wrote the speeches in Independence Day, Armageddon, Deep Impact, and Here on Earth, changing forever our view of the world. So that really is my jacket on Indiana Jones, I am Yoda, midi-chlorian revealer, "chosen one"? Suppose you, too, knew my words are all truth, think about it. Wouldn't you be petrified, too?

heh heh heh. honk honk honk!

Nicholson
--
This shows how to cure a disease:
Nicholson, B. (2000) Pheromones cause disease: the exocrinology of anorexia nervosa. Medical Hypotheses Mar.2000;54(3):438-43. Maybe they read my article. It is in English.

on alt.movies.spielberg (Google archive link)


In case you think Usenet is the only good place for crackpots - MySpace also has some. "Mars", a Jehovah's Witness, believes that God can be proven logically, and posts very long and incomprehensible equations and arguments to try to support this. Behold :


PROP I; Yahovah is the infinite spiritual and spatiotemporal manifold which possess all power and all thought.

Proof logical;

The descriptive endomorphism of Yahovah is mapped from the internal point in Yahovah (1). Therefore, Yahovah topologically contains the description of Yahovah which equals the endomorphic points which predicatively contain Yahovah. Therefore,Yahovah topologically contains all endomorphic points which predicatively contain Yahovah. Therefore, Yahovah is the infinite spiritual and spatiotemporal manifold which possess all power and all thought. In other words, God is omnipresent, eternal, omnipotent, and omniscient.

Proof theological; (In first person, God speaking)

'The heavens, yes, the heavens of the heavens, themselves cannot contain me', 'I myself actually fill the heavens and the earth'. 'For in me you live and move, and have your being'. 'There is nowhere I am not present'. 'For of me, and by me, and in me, are all things'. 'What may be known about me is manifest because I made it manifest. My invisible [qualities], even my eternal power and Godship, are clearly seen from the worlds creation onward, because they are perceived by the things made.' (1 Kings 8:27; Jeremiah 23:24; Acts 17:28; Psalm 139:7; Romans 11:36; Romans 1:19-20)


PROP II; Energy is an infinite spatiotemporal manifold which possess all power.

Proof empirical;

The summation of energy equaling kinetic energy plus potential energy is simply a statement of the law of conservation of energy; Energy cannot be created or destroyed (2). And, all endomorphic points empirically verified to exist possess energy. And, power equals the indefinite integral of gradient energy with respects to velocity (the spacial metric divided by the temporal metric). Therefore energy itself is an infinite spatiotemporal manifold which possess all power.

Corrollary; It follows that an omnipresent, eternal, and omnipotent entity exists.

PROP III; Mind or infocognition is an infinite spiritual manifold which possess all thought or teleology.

Proof empirical;

The summation of mind equaling conscious mind plus unconscious mind is simply a statement of the law of conservation of mind; Mind cannot be created or destroyed (3). And, all endomorphic points empirically verified to exist possess mind (nothing exists except what we percieve to exist). And, thought equals the indefinite integral of gradient mind with respects to protocomputation (the informational metric divided by the cognitional metric). Therefore mind itself is an infinite spiritual manifold which possess all thought or teleology.

Corrollary; It follows that an omniscient entity exists.

PROP IV; The summation of God equals the infinite spiritual manifold plus the infinite spatiotemporal manifold.

Proof empirical;

Mind or infocognition is in all endomorphic points which possess energy. And, it has been empirically observed that thought intersects power (telekinesis for example) (4). Therefore, the summation of God equals the infinite spiritual manifold plus the infinite spatiotemporal manifold.


(1) We can thank Christopher Michael Langan and John Archibald Wheeler for the set of all sets;
Intro to CTMU, Langan
CTMU, Langan

(2) We can thank Michael Faraday, James Prescott Joule, and Hermann Ludwig Helmholtz for what several philosophers of science consider the greatest generalization ever conceived by humankind.

(3) Time, Langan

(4) Princeton PEAR

on "Jehovah's Witnesses United" group (link)


Frank Wineski used to post under three adresses, and always on alt.drugs.psychedelic or misc.health.alternative. His problem is, he doesn't know anything about what he's talking about, and he makes everyone laugh with his weird claims of God and being the messiah and "Jaguar healing". Here are a couple of sample posts :

I have yet to meet a person who could curse God out and not pay for it with his life. I'm still waiting for someone to successfully do that despicable act. And still be alive. Don't go there people. Believe in the Godforce. Call on it's power.
Jaguar

on alt.drugs.psychedelics (Google archive link)

Arnold Schwarzenegger! We were BROTHERS on Vega IIII! I am starting to remember! Anyone who has seen me in person can tell the two of us were brothers. The resemblance; the fierceness; the determination; the walk; the truthfulness. The attitide. It is incredible, people! I can't stop laughing. I fully believe that me and Arnold Schwarzeneggeer were brothers in our previous incarnations. I know it to be so. ( lol )
Jaguar

on alt.drugs.psychedelics (Google archive link)

That is, my previous incarnation was on Vega IIII. A very highly evolved planet. I was a healer there too. And I was very successful. And I have been pounding the newsgroups for over a year now promoting this document, and not one person on this "planet of sleepwalkers", as earth is called by the highly evolved worlds observing you, cares. This document will cure depression, anxiety, and everything under the sun. EVERYTHING! It will save you from growing old. Yet you have not listened. I have never been on a more hopeless planet than earth. I came from Vega IIII to bring you good news. And 2000 years ago, you put my brother Jesus on a cross. Along with all my other brother and sister saints and saviors sent to you. You know I am not from earth, and that is why you are afraid. Vega IIII has technologies that make earth in 2001 look like the stone ages. I kid you not! I look just like you except for my eyes. But one can immediately tell I am highly evolved. Yet my mission will not be thwarted, nor my will be ignored; you WILL get the message. Think of my other brother METHELUSAH, of your Bible fame. He lived for almost 1000 years because he knew how to excrete toxins faster than they accumulate. He was my fellow healer. So take me seriously and do not mock. The laws of healing are VERY SIMPLE! Spread this document over all corners of the globe. You cannot ignore it and MUST NOT ignore it any longer. Oh sleepwalkers.
Jaguar

on misc.health.alternative (Google archive link)

People, I can't believe it myself! "Jesus of Nazareth" ; "Jaguar of Nanticoke".
One more letter up in the evolutionary timeline. It is all starting to fall into place. It is starting to make sense.
Last fall, when Christ appeared to me in an apparition state to help me with my webpage, at one point I had to say "Whoah slow down! You're moving so fast Jesus"! So he started to laugh heartily and said "My brother Francis, now you know how frightened YOU make your fellow man"! So I started to laugh very hard. The both of us. Then he told me about the joke where he asks John the Baptizer to baptize him, so the people could see and know who he was. So John the Baptizer tells him "Yes I will, but first you must confess your sins".
Jaguar

on alt.drugs.psychedelics (Google archive link)

OFFICIAL: I am straight, 5 feet 9 inches tall. 148 pounds. Thin and muscular, like Christ I have a tremendous amount of sex appeal. I am not the man in the photo. Like Christ I am on a MISSION TO HEAL. In this way I can be considered the latest "Messiah". But so what! We are ALL Saints and Saviors. Every last one of us! I am simply more evolved than the earth people. Everyone I meet fears me. That is because of the great spiritual energy that I possess.
JESUS CHRIST gives me healing advice. Now here is one man who can tell JAGUAR what to do! His healing was INSTANTANEOUS. I am nowhere near that kind of power. My healing takes 6 months to one year.
MOTHER NATURE: I can indeed cause it to rain over my city if the grass is too dry. And I can stop a tornado in it's tracks if one came to my city.
ANGER: When I get angry it is quite scary to be around me. I will post some VERY SCARY stuff! Sort of like Jesus chasing the money changers. When Web TV deletes my webpage, thunder and lightening roll. It's Mother Nature expressing her anger. She has great interest in her healers. She knows where I am at at all times. She rolls in ecstasy at her healers. I do not like to get angry. It is very difficult for me to contain all of the energy. It is like holding back a waterfall. Oh well, whatever floats your boat. Later dudes.
Jaguar

on alt.drugs.psychedelics (Google archive link)


Thomas Garcia somehow found time from his busy schedule of jamming crayons up his nose to come on alt.sci.physics and tell the entire world his ideas about telescopes and time travel :

We've all heard that looking through a telescope is like looking forward in time because we can see the light from the stars a lot sooner than with our naked eyes. If a supernova occurs, say, 10 light years away from us, that means it is as far away as the distance that light travels in 10 years, and thus, it will be 10 years before the light from it reaches the Earth. But if we happen to look in that direction through a telescope, we may see the event before the light from it reaches us. In that way, it is said, the telescope has managed to bring to our eyes today an event which we would not see otherwise until sometime later on. It is said then that the scope has brought the light of the event closer to us sooner than we would have been otherwise able to see it, so in effect, we have traveled into the future. If so, it follows that every time we look a telescope we travel into the future, if only temporarily. To return from the future, we have only to look away from the scope, and we're back! So who says time travel ain't possible?

I have no question about that, because it seems to me we have not traveled anywhere, we're still here in the present time, and we never left. It is the scope that has brought the future to us by showing us an event before the light from it has reached the Earth. My question to this learned group has to do with the apparent riddle of FTL travel which the scope attains in bringing the future to us.

Yes, I know that it's done with lenses that focus the light coming through them and it magnifies the light to the X power of the lens combination. But how can it bring light which has not reached us yet into focus so that it can be seen before it gets here?

Say that the supernova above occurred 10 lys ago but it is twice as far as that from us. The light from it has been rushing toward us for 10 years but it will take 10 more years for it to reach us. With our trusty scopes, though, we can see that light right now. While we are looking at something that happened 20 years ago, we are seeing it 10 years after it happened, but 10 years before the light can get here. In this case, we are looking into the future and seeing the past!

Nevertheless, the question remains: How is it possible for a telescope to show us the future simply by magnification and focus? We know the mechanics of it, but how can we reconcile that with the fact that no information can travel faster than the speed of light?

on alt.sci.physics (Google archive link)


I think "It's a Miracle" is a bot, but it still counts as a crackpot. Here is part of an example post :

I'm going to declassify the bible code if you want to look for it.

In my previous posts I explained dominoe theory and the dominoes in your brain are the double slit experiment.One has sound with birds in it.That makes conservatives schizophrenic and liberals spiritual because the birds are making you spiritual.Einsteins brain looks like this. The C is conservative and the L is Liberal.

Einstein brain is CCCCCL and parked his schizophrenia caused by original sin with birds at the speed of light.Jesus is LLLLLLL and didn't park schizophrenia anywhere and became sinless.Einstein can't make a ressurection because he can't control time.The religious people think Jesus is perfect and has a liberal theory of time and can make a resurrection.The Popes are making a chain because they think they can make a ressurection with Jesuses dominoe theory.

2001 a space oddysey is dominoe theory to solve abortion and make an anti-christ.

Jesus thinks he has dominoe theory to make a resurrection.He's the son of god because people think he can control death.

In the bible is fanciful lies like Noahs ark and miracles that require faith are all over it.And people in this newsgroup wrack their brains trying to prove there was no Noahs flood and it's impossible to tell by reading a book if Jesus turned water into wine.You can't prove that the the bible is lying.

However I seen the dominoe that causes original sin and it's birds not snakes.For some reason the bible was made with only one detectable lie.The lie is the one that controls death.

on talk.origins (Google archive link)


Also see The Amazingly Stupid Utterances of the Believers in the UFO News Groups


Written by Franc, 07/2002. Latest update on 04/2006.